Relationships, A Guy’s Perspective: Entering Relationships

 

*why define something that's pefect as it is?*

 

 

They say that women think about marriage and men think about sex. But that’s bullshit. Successful women think about marriage and successful men think about sex. And there’s plenty of unsuccessful failures out there.

Depending on how you see it, relationships have gone light-years forward or backward in the last century. It used to be that men and women brought real skills to the table and married each other if those skills combined to achieve a survival rate of >75% for their offspring. You can see it in the American History Museum. Skills women brought to the table, like cooking, cleaning, and care-taking were actually skills that could mean the difference between life and death. Food poisoning, disease-ridden cloths, and deathly-ill children were all pitfalls of the man who chose beauty above a woman’s practical abilities. 

Of course, all of these responsibilities have been replaced, or at least diminished, by modern conveniences. First  slaves, then indentured servants, then machines came within the common man’s financial reach to offset the inabilities of his trophy wife so he didn’t have to play the mistress game that nobody wants to play. This led to a drastic reduction in a woman’s responsibilities which directly led to them having enough time to parade for suffrage, equal-rights, and equal-pay. It was great, in a sense, for women to become near-equals with men. But wait a second, if all of their responsibilities have been replaced by machines (add the Internet to that list) in the modern relationship, then we shouldn’t expect many men to line up at the chance to throw half of their earnings at them. 

Of course, this is exactly what we see. Women bring little to nothing (compared to what they used to bring) to a relationship outside of their wide degrees of sensuality (emotional and physical). So should a man get into a relationship? Or should he stop the car and unlock the doors when she asks for too much commitment? 

This decision is a complicated one that I consistently see being made incorrectly.Guys get into relationships they shouldn’t and guys stay out of relationships that would be good to them. At the root of each of these bad decisions is this ridiculous idea that marriage at the end of the relationship tunnel. Guys get into bad relationships because they see this as an opportunity at marriage they will not otherwise get. Guys stay out of good relationships because they see themselves as having many more moonlit adventures before they stand at the cold end of the aisle, watching their buddies sip whisky in the pews, and listening to their groomsmen plan their sexual conquests with the bridesmaids. 

This, as I will show, is a fundamental miscalculation. The “marriage factor” should not be taken into account when entering a relationship, whether that factor is positive or negative. In a modern relationship, you can leave to upgrade at literally any time. In fact, the modern man should view his “being in a relationship” as having little to no effect on his life. If there is any advantage gained by being in a relationship, he should take that immediate advantage and disregard any of the subsequent consequences of this new status that will immediately fill his thoughts. Likewise, if there is no immediate advantage to entering a relationship (these are the relationships guys should not be in), there is no reason to enter it (since opportunity of a single shot at marriage is not a valid reason). Let me clarify with some examples.

Example 1:

John has been sleeping around with the same 3 girls who don’t know each other for the last 4 months. All of them have been casually suggesting at “defining the relationship”, but John has expertly dodged these requests. As a result, the girls are becoming more lukewarm to him than they were before. One way to play this would be to fear the marriage factor and keep dodging relationship requests until it all fell apart and all 3 girls got tired of his shit. A better way to play this would be to get into a relationship with one of them, tell the other two, add in new recruits as they come, and break up with the first girl at the most opportune moment to leave the 2 girls left on the other side of the fence to throw themselves at him. The best part about this is how the first girl, the one you’re in a relationship with, doesn’t even have to exist. A relationship is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal if he can use it effectively.

Example 2:

Joe has not had much luck with girls. He recently met a girl who’s OK, and immediately entered a relationship with her. In the back of his mind, he figures this if he ends up marrying her, it’s not so bad. She’d be a decent wife, so he’ll just move on towards marrying her unless something better comes along. But by taking the marriage factor into account when entering into the relationship, Joe has effectively removed any possibility of anything better coming along. Because now, breaking up with her without a fallback plan is not an option since that will remove his “worst case marriage scenario” from his playbook. She will instinctively sense this laziness and desperation, and push Joe into a deep, dark hole that he will never climb out of. All the while,  Joe is powerless to play the one card he should always be able to play: threatening to break up with her. The marriage factor has trapped him.

This is some new territory for this blog and it’s fun to write about. I’m going to keep writing some relationship topics like “The Anniversary”, “Meeting the Parents”, … there are a considerable number of topics on this. I have a good feeling about this.

Finally, A Dating Website for Men

 

"women in their early 30s desparate for one last shot at glory..."

 

 

You might have heard that AshelyMadison got denied from running a Super Bowl ad, which is almost but not quite as good as getting the ad itself. It sure is cheaper. But whatever, the real issue here is how the service is a goldmine for guys who want easy sex without fucking prostitutes. Married chicks looking for affairs are the easiest of easy. The green circle, wander-eye, bar-parading late-20s girls who want to see if they can dump their current husband, pocket some alimony, and upgrade to another guy crowd. They don’t give a fuck.

So it might be better than trying the other online dating services. At least it would stand to reason. I’d try it if I was still willing to try anything, but being the lazy talking head that I am, I’d be much happier to hear from someone who tried some diamond-cougar hunting (that means married for all the 13 year old readers out there) on AshleyMadison. It seems easy, and I bet the quality on there is higher than the other dating websites.

But really what irks me is how other talking heads are out there trying to eek out some level of outrage about a dating service that caters to affairs. I mean, is anyone really outraged outside of the obvious crowd of single aging girls (SAGs) out there? I know, I just couldn’t resist the acronym. I think by now, most people have a good grip on what a relationship actually is. Or actually, it’s more likely that they don’t. Extremely likely, in fact. 

Men resist them for the committment and women resist them in order to wait for someone better, we all know that. But why? With everything that relationships are now, these fears are antiquated and childish to a Disneyesque level. I can’t speak for girls, but I can speak for men which is why I’ll be running a special feature, starting next post, of indeterminate parts on “Modern Relationships From a Man’s Perspective.” It’s long overdue.

Playing for Skins

Getting a girl to like you is as simple as becoming everything she wants in a man. That’s not to be confused with what she says she wants in a man. It’s the whole confident/bold/charming/successful/asshole mix that every girl wants. When you’ve become that man a few times, you start to recognize the moment it happens instantly. All of her hopes and dreams are realized in you, and you feel a tremendous sense of power and dominance that comes with being a girl’s total sense of being. And even if the path you took to get her was somewhat contrived and staged, it doesn’t much matter because you’ve ‘picked up’ another girl, which quite reasonably is an end in and of itself. Then you do this a few times.

Then a few more…

After awhile, you look at the girls you pick up a little differently. The sense of conquest you used to have at the moment you “got her” is, you decide, nothing more than foolish machismo. The dominance and power you used to feel so proud of is dwarfed by the jealousy you have of the girl. Look at her. She has a level of satisfaction that you’ll never have. You’re the perfect man to her, and you know there’s no woman in the world who could do the same thing for you.

You just sit across from them, playing all the cards you know will turn her on, and for what? You have to be the perfect guy for her because that’s the way the game works. You want to pick up girls? You have to get them to choose you above all other options. Then they get the satisfaction of getting exactly what they wanted, even if it’s for a short amount of time. But there’s no choosing on your end really. The whole trick of getting a girl you want is to get her to end up choosing you. Where’s the satisfaction in that? It’s indirect, making the satisfaction from it less than what it is for her. So you just sit across from them, jealous that you can’t be them.

I conclude that picking up girls has some satisfaction, but not enough to justify life’s primary focus for it. At least not for a lifetime. Because who wants to play a game where your opponent gets more satisfaction than you do? It’s like fighting someone with a smile on their face that gets bigger every time you hit them with a right haymaker. It’s maddening.

The Hook

plainnnnn jane

Everyone has seen it happen. It starts off innocently enough when she’s around now and again, but he never says much about her. He’ll say something nonchalant like “yeah, she’s ok” when asked about her because he’s not that excited about being with her. It’s a lot different than the times in the past when you see another one of your buddies talk about a girl and he’s overrun with smiles and giggles until, inevitably, she gets the hint that he’s a little too excited to be with her and she leaves him and puts him back in the toolshed. It’s not like that at all. He’s just sort of letting her into his life, and none of his friends (including you) think much about it at all.

And then one day you get the phone call. He’s engaged. And this girl who he’s presented to you as high-pitched background noise is his fiance. And all you can think in your head is “how the hell did this happen and who the fuck is this girl?” I can’t answer the second half of that, but I can tell you the first half of it. He got snagged on The Hook.

It works like this:

1. He meets this girl who’s “pretty ok”
2. Over the next several months, she goes from “pretty ok” to “ok” by proving to be hotter and more useful than he thought
3. He doesn’t think about #1 or #2 and doesn’t bring it up to his confidants
4. She cons him into marrying her somehow
5. He calls you and tells you he’s getting married
6. His life is over and yours is diminished

What’s interesting is how the girl manages to play her “pretty ok” card by keeping expectations low and turning the marriage-con at exactly the right moment. It’s brilliant and it should be the first strategy when it comes to women conning men into marrying them. It’s a lot more ethical than the usual “pull the goalie and get pregnant.” After looking around on the internet for a list of ways to get a man to marry and finding nothing but horse shit, I made my own list:

1. Pull the goalie
2. Keep initial expectations low
3. Convert to his religion/spirituality
4. Become friends with his mother/sister and get them in on the con
5. Somehow build your sexual market value (SMV) to stratospheric levels in the minds of his friends

No Asians 2008 – Update

I caught up with Will today to talk about his No Asians 2008 progress. I’ll paraphrase what he had to say.

“It’s tougher than I ever thought it would be. I see opportunities everywhere, everyone calls me ‘retarded’ when I tell them about the pledge, and in my weaker moments I almost agree with them. But I’ve come this far, and I have to press on. It’s getting hard. I can deal with Asian girls approaching me or grabbing me on dance floors, but not much more than that. And what the hell? The Playboy Playmate of the Month for November 2008 is Korean?!?! The centerfold is reserved for White girls and, on occasion, White-looking Black girls. It’s too dangerous to the populous to put an Asian girl in that spot.

…

“I was sitting in the den, minding my business, when I saw her out of the corner of my eye. I knew it was trouble. I didn’t have to check her out to know she was beautiful because I could gauge it from the voice inflections of the guy who first started talking to her. I could see the 6-second glances she took at me to try to pry my attention, but I held onto a solemn ignorance about it even if it was prolonging the inevitable. Do you ever see a girl, just see her, and start hearing music in the background? You’re done when that happens. I couldn’t, and didn’t, look.

“My plan backfired when I saw her getting dressed in my room (it was a mixed dorm) two hours later as I was waking up from a nap. I initially avoided direct conversation, choosing a more indirect means. Eventually I led on that she had earned my full attention, which turned the sexual tension between us from medium to piping hot. At this point we talked directly for 2 minutes about things that were less important for their content than they were for their comfort.

“When she left for Paris I felt more foolish than I had in several years, maybe more than that. My hands were literally trembling. Everything I knew about women told me to hold on to my stoicism at all costs, but everything I knew about life told me it was foolish not to indulge because it might not happen again. I thought I’d lost my mind until I saw a tear fall out of her eye as she looked at me over her right shoulder. I immediately looked at the floor when she left my sight to stay in that moment for as long as possible.

“A Finnish guy came into the room as she was leaving, which would have been mildly awkward if he didn’t back-glance to check her out as she walked away. This led to the following exchange between us in heavily broken English:

“So… this girl, you sleep with her together?”

I chuckle and keep looking at the floor.

“I tell you… I know I, uh, wouldn’t mind”

He paused for a second to assess. Then he flurried around in his backpack until he found a leather-coated flask. He handed it to me saying “trust me, this you need” and I took several swigs of what tasted like Vodka mixed with Ouzo. We spent a solid 5 minutes talking about asses before heading to a bar down the street. I forgot about her as the minutes dripped by, which filled me with bursts of shame that came and went. Then she faded into the past like the other girls I used to think about. They call that being “over it” I think.

Unattractive Women

I’m sure every guy has read or heard the idea that girls who are 5’s or 6’s aren’t easy to hit on because “they get hit on all the time, it’s easier to hit on girls who are 7’s, 8’s, or even 9’s because guys are afraid to approach them”.

I’ve always taken this for granted, but I’m confident now that this reasoning is fundamentally flawed.

Men think that women look at prospective men the same way they look at prospective women. They think girls have a threshold of attractiveness, and every guy above that threshold (in looks, wealth, wit, charisma, etc.) is passable for them. Because, of course, if a man would bang it out with a 6 he wouldn’t hesitate with an 8.

But this isn’t true. Girls like to match themselves with men who equal them. In other words, men whose combined qualities (looks, wealth, with, et al) equal their attractiveness. If the man is overqualified for the position (girls are surprisingly realistic when it comes to what men they can get with their looks), the girl won’t hear him out. In other words, you better step down your game if you plan on slumming it. Hopefully you’ll never be in such a desparate situation.

It’s worth noting that the attractiveness ratings of girls (1-10) are based on your current level of game. In other words, every guy has “tight game girls” (8-10) and “no game girls” (5-6) which vary in objective attractiveness based on his personal attributes. This idea fits in with One Man’s 6 is Another Man’s 8. So when you look at a girl and decide that she’s an 8 or a 9, that’s a girl who probably is on your aforementioned level. Tight game to her will be well received. Tight game to a 5 or 6 will be met with nervous laughter, genuine fear, and an overall air of skepticism that will derail your trolling fantasies. Don’t bother.

Oh, and another thing. Whenever you see girls dancing with their friends (but not in a tight circle) and lip-synching the words to the music, those girls are game for almost any guy to come up to them. I think that’s the only club-game there is.

MGD 64 – One Step Closer

After Inbev’s brutal buyout of the most American Institution of them all, Budweiser, I decided I would never drink a Budweiser product again. Then those Euro-assholes have the audacity to shove a decidedly confusing product, ‘American Lager’, down our throats during football season. What the hell? It brings us one step closer to Sundays drinking 2 Heineken and watching EPL soccer instead of drinking a pony keg of Busch Light and browning out between the 4pm and 8pm NFL games.

This boycott, combined with the merger of Miller and Coors, left me with only one economical beer company to pick from. When I was out drinking beer made by said beer company, I was notified by some guy who probably was one of those kids to brought a 6 pack of expensive beer to underage keggers (I fucking hated those kids! seriously, who did they think they were? chug your beast lite like a good 17 year old, asshole) that I was “drinking nothing but beer flavored water and alcohol.”

I said, “you know what, asshole? I wish I was drinking beer flavored water and alcohol”. Because really, I don’t drink beer for the taste. I drink it because the pace of drinking it over the course of the night is perfectly matched to the level of drunkenness I want to get to. I would love to get the alcohol without getting the calories, in fact. This brings me to Miller 64, the 64 calorie beer from MillerCoors. Oh yes, perfect, this is exactly what I need! Wait, it’s only 2.8% alcohol? You mean the alcohol itself has calories? This brings us to a crossroads. The calories in alcohol are the real energy crisis!

Shouldn’t somebody we working on calorie-free alcohol? Dammit, this is America, and we like our women skinny and drunk. Oh wait, I guess we already have calorie-free alcohol. I think it’s called ‘drugs’. Splenda Kool-Aid + Roofies = 0 Calorie Fun. But there’s no way I’m taking those again, I need something with the same exact effect of alcohol in Alka-Seltzer form so I can drop it in water instead of carrying beer everywhere I want to drink it. It would be called “Beer Zero” to build on the “Coke Zero” paradigm. This idea would still be successful if it didn’t have 0 calories.

Man Rules

A few years ago, there was a Miller Lite ad campaign that suggested a diverse group of men could sit around a table and set forth edicts that should be adopted by all heterosexual men. I’m sure you all remember this, as it was the most noteworthy beer advertising campaign since the one where the guy competes in Winter Olympic events from his recliner. However, the making of these rules are fundamentally flawed. Men are certainly driven by rules, but rarely are they the rules of others. Men have their own rules.

Every man who is worth anything has a set of rules for himself that he will never break. These rules define his personal honor, and breaking one of these rules is the exact equivalent of a lie to himself. In the logical mind of Man, a lie to self creates a cloud of disgust that directly leads to a loss of self-respect. What I think is very interesting is how different men have different rules for themselves. Some men have a rule against crying and others have a rule against wagering against a sports team they follow. Some men have a rule against hitting women and other men have a rule against ever lying to their son. The rules of a particular man define that man, and once you figure these out, you understand that man nearly completely. If a man tells you he doesn’t have any of these rules, throw tough questions at him until you offend him and his rules will be revealed.

I have to stop and think about it before I can mentally solidify my rules. One of them seems pretty trivial, but I think it says a lot about myself. When I bring a girl back to my House of Lies for the first time and I dim the lights, I take special care to choose the first song to play in the background. I’ve thought about what this song should be since the moment I felt myself becoming interested in her. Ideally, I can come up with a song that dictates what I think about a girl and what kind of relationship I want from her. Nothing says “don’t even think about cuddling with me” quite like ‘Slim Thug – Diamonds‘. On the other side, nothing breaks sustained periods of sexual tension into a passionate relationship quite like ‘Foo Fighters – Tired of You‘. For a fling, ‘Eminem – Cum On Everybody‘ is tried and true.

To get back to the general Rules for a second, I’d say the most common rule across all men is the one where “you don’t say ‘I love you’ to a girl if you don’t mean it”. I’m not sure why that one is so popular, women say it all the time and don’t mean it. They even have the best way of saying they lied about it: “well, I meant it when I said it but I don’t love you anymore”. Women are great liars, I have so much to learn from them.

Listen Sunshine, Give Me a Second Here

Lewis Black said that blogging is like jerking off in front of a mirror, and videotaping it so you can jerk off to it later. I don’t really get it, but I think it’s fucking hilarious. Here are some blog posts that I started writing, but never actually materialized into anything more than a sentence or two:

• Anyone who’s been to the Holocaust Museum and didn’t smirk at the overstuffed donation box or the huge wall of prominent donors is a better person than me. It’s also interesting how the issue of genocide is more or less removed from the American Indian museum.

• Anyone who tailgates and changes lanes in heavy traffic is trying to win the Rat Race. Nobody wins a Rat Race.

• Being successful with women isn’t just acting like an Alpha male all the time. It’s about being able to act like an Alpha male or an Androgynous male based on the situation, and being able to switch between the two personas seamlessly at the right moment.

• I think I might be terminally ill because 18 year old girls aren’t hot to me the same way they used to be and I have no explanation why this is. The 35 year old guy who was dating this girl from my high school (when we were in high school) told me this would never happen. Randy, where are you now? I miss you.

• girlsaskguys.com is becoming my favorite website. Think you need credentials to dole out dating advice to 16 year old girls? Think again!

• This recent opinion piece from Gary Becker and this response from Richard Posner present two informed and insightful viewpoints on a topic that uninformed dipshits love talking about: The Decline of America. It’s also one of the best blogs on the internet because it’s run by two University of Chicago Senior Faculty members who know what they’re talking about.

• I started this blog 8 months ago hoping I could somehow parlay it into becoming a YouTube star while expecting to at least keep myself entertained. Now, my stat deal tells me that an average of 500 people come to this site every day. To be honest, that freaks me out more than it makes me proud, but as long as it entertains you, more power to you. And let me just say this: if you agree with everything I write, you have some serious psychological problems. I’m not even kidding.

The FriendGirlPair Hypothesis

You might guess from the clever disfigure of the term ‘girlfriend’ that this hypothesis has something to do with how two girls can bend the dimensions of space-time to become the optimal singular girlfriend. The job has just become too time consuming for one modern girl to handle between her facebook networking, her man-hating, and her career goals. Let me explain:

• girlfriend defines a female who’s a smokeshow and a friend. The hot girl is needed for general bedroom mischief while the friend is needed for spiritual guidance. The truth of the last sentence is at the crux of the theory.
• FriendGirlPair (FGP) encapsulates these same entities (girl and friend), but they are two distinct girls. The friend is more than just a regular friend, she is a friendgirl. However you do not lust after her in any way because you have a revolving door of girls who fulfill you’re manly needs and complete the pair.

The hypothesis is that a FGP is superior to the girlfriend in all measurable ways, which we’ll sum together to create a value. If we look at the two parts of the girlfriend, we see that the value of the girl entity decreases with time (mainly due to manly lust for variety) and the value of the friend entity increases with time (mainly due to the characteristics of human bonding):

If we look at the two entities of the FGP, we see that the value of the friendgirl also increases with time, but the value of the replaceable bimbo-slut girls remains at a steady high value. The total value is higher at every step in time when compared to the girlfriend competitor:

Of course the key to the whole thing is picking the right friendgirl. She will have to be proud of your conquests, aid in increasing the jealousy of a bimbo-slut prospect, and you must be sure she will never want a real relationship out of you. So she will need to be a girl who respects you, who is willing to be somewhat of a trader to her own gender, and who is completely unattracted to you. The contradiction is pretty thick, so you wouldn’t expect these girls to exist. But honestly, I’ve never had too much trouble finding one.

Conclusion: The situation is a nice ideal, but ultimately the man or the friendgirl will want more. Hypothesis fail. Sorry to have wasted your time.