Proposition 8: Misplaced Hate

Bert & Ernie? Uh, no

You’ve heard by now that Proposition 8, to renew the ban on Gay marriage in California, passed with 52.5% of the vote. Given the national unpopularity of Gay marriage I was pretty unsurprised, especially given the large Latino and Black populations in California, that it passed. It was likely to pass as soon as it was put on the ballot by an astonishing 1.2M people who signed a petition to put the Constitutional Amendment on the ballot.

Now, even though the ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ coalitions raised $35.8M and $37.6M respectively, there’s some DC blogger calling for a ‘boycott of Utah‘ because the Mormon church supplied tens of millions of dollars to the ‘Yes’ coalition.

“The main focus is going to be going after the Utah brand. At this point, honestly, we’re going to destroy the Utah brand. It is a hate state.”

So the solution is to stereotype the entire state of Utah for stereotyping homosexual marriage. The irony is so thick.

I think the real problem is that people aren’t going to vote for gay marriage, not that they were brainwashed into voting against it. Even our uber-Liberal President-Elect is against it. Also, the fact that Black voters (who voted 70% for Prop 8) came out in record numbers to vote for said President played a big part in this. So they were brainwashed by the Mormons? I’m confused.

Personally, I wouldn’t have voted for or against Prop 8 because I think the whole gay marriage thing is a waste of time, just like the flag burning amendment. Just have some kind of union for gays that has all the rights of a marriage, and make up a name for it. People would vote for that, but I guess the angry gay groups wouldn’t settle for that. Instead, we have to watch gay marriage propositions get shot down every time they get voted on. What a waste of time and money.

Another thing I don’t get: “They just took marriage away from 20,000 couples and made their children bastards.”

Wait, wait, wait, somebody needs to explain to me how gay people make babies. Do they get a 3rd person to donate the egg-uterus/sperm and then keep that person around as an Aunt/Uncle? That sounds like a disaster. And what’s with the punitive slam on bastards? Aren’t we past looking down on children from unwed parents? I never mentioned the guys name, but he’s the editor at AmericaBlog.

BREAKING: Barack Obama Wins 2008 Presidential Election

Barack pledges to stop smiling, start working

Hopefully I beat MSNBC with my projection (by a hair I’m sure), but DC Hero is now prepared to project Barack Obama as the winner of the 2008 Presidential Election!

I’m not a pawn, so I won’t classify myself as ‘Democrat’ or ‘Republican’, but I certainly lean conservative… in a good economy. Thank God it’s over. I don’t have to watch or listen to anyone go on a post-teen-angst/sexual-frustration fueled emotional tirade defending a party or a platform they don’t understand anymore. These people don’t know how to argue or prove a point. How do they make it on television? I was watching Bill O’Reilly the other day (don’t ask) and seriously wondered if I was the smartest man alive, or at least the best arguer. If you find yourself getting emotional in a political discussion, it’s time to take a deep look in the mirror.

One of the few things I hate, and I mean I legitimately hate, about young people is their strangely innate desire to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re right about something. There are more young/immature people now because of the failure of the modern relationship, and their barrage of stern and uninformed opinions is pathetic to watch. It’s strange, because they all have an inferiority complex about the quality of their educational background, but they completely dismiss the importance of “structured learning”. It’s also strange because they have such a contempt for ignorant and uneducated Americans, but are oblivious to the fact that a semi-informed opinion is 10 times as dangerous.

Reddit is a good place to fine these circle-jerk youths. Oh, here’s a good one. Vote up if you want the United States to end the war, make wiretapping illegal, invest in clean energy and rid Congress of people who will get in the way of these goals. The only thing worse than this is the bands that reiterate these primitive opinions and call it “getting political.” Give me a break. What does Rage Against the Machine call it? Activism? Call it what it is: poorly informed and oversimplified opinions on complex geopolitical issues. And every fan they have that internalizes those opinions is worse off as a result.

So wait, what is this about? The complicated political issues that actually matter (this doesn’t include gay marriage, abortion, or flag burning) are never cut and dry. There are usually very intelligent people that disagree with each other on them. If you think it’s cut and dry and you can’t see both sides, you don’t understand the issue. These issues include the Iraq War, the Bailout, Nationalized Health Care, etc. This just got boring, I’m stating the obvious.

What If Michelle Obama Was White?

Barack, you're so smitten!

I voted “absentee-in-person” today, and realized that “absentee-in-person” was just a clever way to open polls for 2 weeks instead of 1 day (You can vote in Arlington County if you plan on being outside of the county on 11/4 for undisclosed personal business). Because, honestly, how does it make sense to have everybody vote on the same day? Fucking none, that’s how much.

In any case, as I was voting “No” on a measure to spend $50M on a water treatment plant, it hit me: if Michelle Obama was white, it would have completely changed this election. I was completely sure about this, but it was unclear to me exactly what would have changed. I came up with the following talking points:

1. Black Women Would Hate Barack: He’d be just another rich/powerful Black man who married a White woman, which could have drawn enough ire from Black women to propel Hillary to the nomination. The only reason I’m unsure is I don’t know if single and married Black women would both vote against him. Totally unsure if either group would be cool with the White chick.
2. What Kind of White Girl, Exactly?: If we’re talking Carla Bruni here (the obvious comparison), Obama would get absolutely slammed. It would be the double standard of all double standards, but there’s no way working class White people would vote for a Black man married to a White model, especially not one they already see as a tad ‘elitist’ (educated). If we’re talking Lucy Page, then I think it definitely works in his favor. Put it this way, people would listen to a Lucy-Page-type-wife when she talked about how they can trust Barack.
3. It Would Completely De-Blackify Barack: I almost don’t want to write this because I voted for him, but this isn’t that big of a blog, so whatever. I’ve always thought it’s kind of strange how Barack was abandoned by his Black father and raised by his White mother/grandparents, but he married a Black woman. It goes against the whole “mom-impression” thing, it just doesn’t happen very often (see Tiger Woods for a good example). And I mean, he grew up in Hawaii and Indonesia, which aren’t exactly Black-culture hotspots. I really need more information on his exes (I can’t find any info), but I assume he dated Black chicks all the way and was banging nothing but Marvin Gaye when it was time to get business done. The Black wife makes him a Black man more than a halfie. Not sure what effect this has.
4. White Women Would LOVE Him: Ah, the hidden truth. Who am I kidding, Hillary wouldn’t have stood a chance. So we’ve all heard the “men love Sarah Palin because they’re attracted” thing, but why haven’t we heard the same about women for Obama? Is it just underreported, or is it just not as strong as it would be if Michelle was White? I’m just saying.
5. In The End, It Wouldn’t Matter: The economy is all that matters in the end, and he would have cruised to victory either way.

Ed note: I have nothing against Michelle Obama. The question I should have asked was if a White woman would have been strong enough to be his rock during this 2 year campaign….

The Best Interracial Couples

With election season at hand and both sides telling us how bad America is, it’s time to look at something America kicks the rest of the world’s ass at: interracial dating. Of course, mixed-race superiority (Tiger Woods, Barack Obama, and half-Asian girls worldwide) is becoming more and more apparent and, unsurprisingly, interracial marriages are becoming more and more common (~5% of American marriages in the 2000 Census). Eventually, these two factors will lead to a worldwide mixing of races that will make the lines between them greyer and greyer until they are all more or less indistinguishable from one other. We can only stab a guess as to when this will happen. What we can do is celebrate the classic interracial couple parings that will sadly fade over the coming Millenia. I will rank the top 5 pairings in an order I will reveal at the end:

5. Black man and slightly overweight White woman

This is probably the stereotype of stereotypes for interracial dating. I predict that America’s obesity epidemic will peak at the same exact moment Mulatto conception peaks. After that peak, this pairing will disappear into the yearbooks of yesteryear.

4. Nerdish White man and slightly flat chested Asian woman

The portrayal of girls in Anime comics/movies/video-games sinlessly describes the perfect woman for this growing segment of men. A combination of not speaking English, looking 14 years old, and being the most unintimidating human beings in the world provide the perfect aphrodisiac for nerds. I keep staring at this picture because it’s so damn perfect. Her Asian excitement is tempered by his somewhat creepy and Nerdy relief, which is combined with just the right amount of clinginess. Truly a match made in heaven.

3. Demanding Arab man and submissive White woman

A relative newcomer to the party, this fast-growing phenomenon is growing as some women realize that they don’t want to be the head of the household and, instead, would like to be dominated. I wouldn’t have taken this seriously if I didn’t read about it in a dating forum (I can’t find the link!) and hear about it colloquially. Keep an eye on this one.

2. Redhead man/woman and Nobody

Contrary to urban legend, red hair isn’t going to be vanished from humanity any time soon. Those recessive genes have the awful habit of hiding themselves in people. But we can all agree, if you have red heads at the top of your list, you’re truly a sick fuck.

1. Cougars and young Latino men

I think the whole “pool boy banging the right housewife” stereotype is just a rationalization of Cougar-lust for the relentless Latino Heat. And let’s be honest here, the whole ‘Eva Longoria banging the gardener to cheat on her Latino husband’ plot on Desperate Housewives was nothing more than a clever way to reshape the reality of the legend. It’s obvious that Eva should be a wealthy, retired White model banging her Latino gardener. If girls out there already knew this, please let me know.

Oh, and the order from 1-5 goes: 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Thanks for playing.

2008 Summer Games: Disaster in the Making

When China won the 2008 Summer Games, I thought it was a bad idea. When I visited Beijing and saw how awfully unprepared they were (as of last summer), I knew it was a bad idea. Then when the pro-Tibet protesters started, everyone knew it was a bad idea.

For kicks, I looked up the current odds of countries protesting the Olympics this summer. The odds I found were odds of which country would be the FIRST to protest the games. “Protesting the games” means the first country to withdraw all participating entrants from the Olympics. None of this partial protest nonsense. Here’s what they are (from Sportsbooks.com):

Spain             10 - 1

Canada            10 - 1

Greece            10 - 1

Germany           10 - 1

Ireland            8 - 1

Italy              6 - 1

United Kingdom     6 - 1

Australia          4 - 1

France             5 - 2

USA                5 - 2

This means that if France boycotted the Olympics and the US followed suit, you’d lose your bet if you bet on the US because they weren’t the first country to protest. This either means that it’s extremely likely that countries will boycott the games this summer, or that people are willing to bet that countries will boycott and the oddsmakers are screwing them over (there’s no option to bet on ‘no countries will boycott’). Kind of interesting.

I will project that there is a 100% chance that China will have a worse World image after these Olympics than they do before them. I mean, what good is going to come out of this deal? Why didn’t they just give it to Toronto or Paris?

While we’re on the odds topic: Barack Obama is a 1-20 favorite to with the North Carolina primary and Hillary Clinton is a 1-6 favorite to win the Indiana primary. Those are pretty good betting odds for Hillary, she’s definitely going to win Indiana. I’d stay away from the Obama in NC bet though, too much risk.

Hillary, Give It Up Already

Check it out, if Hillary manages to win every primary (including Pennsylvania) by a 60-40 margin (which is almost impossible), she will still have 52 less pledged delegates than Obama after all the states are finished. As a side note, did you know Puerto Rico has 55 delegates to pledge in their primary on June 1? That makes it the 3rd biggest primary left after Indiana and North Carolina.

If she has less pledged delegates, there’s no way to justify the super delegates picking her to run. Obama supporters will vote for McCain out of spite.

We have the most unpopular president of all time. The Republican candidate supports the War that makes him so unpopular. If there was ever a gimme election in the history of the Universe, this is it. And the Democrats are doing the only thing they can do to blow the election by dividing themselves.

I used to joke about it, but now I actually think it is true. The Democratic party is not a real political party. It’s a party created by the Republicans to make it look like they aren’t ruling this country like a dictatorship. Because if that wasn’t true, leaders of the Democratic party would be forcing Hillary to end her campaign because she can’t possibly win.