They say that women think about marriage and men think about sex. But that’s bullshit. Successful women think about marriage and successful men think about sex. And there’s plenty of unsuccessful failures out there.
Depending on how you see it, relationships have gone light-years forward or backward in the last century. It used to be that men and women brought real skills to the table and married each other if those skills combined to achieve a survival rate of >75% for their offspring. You can see it in the American History Museum. Skills women brought to the table, like cooking, cleaning, and care-taking were actually skills that could mean the difference between life and death. Food poisoning, disease-ridden cloths, and deathly-ill children were all pitfalls of the man who chose beauty above a woman’s practical abilities.
Of course, all of these responsibilities have been replaced, or at least diminished, by modern conveniences. First slaves, then indentured servants, then machines came within the common man’s financial reach to offset the inabilities of his trophy wife so he didn’t have to play the mistress game that nobody wants to play. This led to a drastic reduction in a woman’s responsibilities which directly led to them having enough time to parade for suffrage, equal-rights, and equal-pay. It was great, in a sense, for women to become near-equals with men. But wait a second, if all of their responsibilities have been replaced by machines (add the Internet to that list) in the modern relationship, then we shouldn’t expect many men to line up at the chance to throw half of their earnings at them.
Of course, this is exactly what we see. Women bring little to nothing (compared to what they used to bring) to a relationship outside of their wide degrees of sensuality (emotional and physical). So should a man get into a relationship? Or should he stop the car and unlock the doors when she asks for too much commitment?
This decision is a complicated one that I consistently see being made incorrectly.Guys get into relationships they shouldn’t and guys stay out of relationships that would be good to them. At the root of each of these bad decisions is this ridiculous idea that marriage at the end of the relationship tunnel. Guys get into bad relationships because they see this as an opportunity at marriage they will not otherwise get. Guys stay out of good relationships because they see themselves as having many more moonlit adventures before they stand at the cold end of the aisle, watching their buddies sip whisky in the pews, and listening to their groomsmen plan their sexual conquests with the bridesmaids.
This, as I will show, is a fundamental miscalculation. The “marriage factor” should not be taken into account when entering a relationship, whether that factor is positive or negative. In a modern relationship, you can leave to upgrade at literally any time. In fact, the modern man should view his “being in a relationship” as having little to no effect on his life. If there is any advantage gained by being in a relationship, he should take that immediate advantage and disregard any of the subsequent consequences of this new status that will immediately fill his thoughts. Likewise, if there is no immediate advantage to entering a relationship (these are the relationships guys should not be in), there is no reason to enter it (since opportunity of a single shot at marriage is not a valid reason). Let me clarify with some examples.
John has been sleeping around with the same 3 girls who don’t know each other for the last 4 months. All of them have been casually suggesting at “defining the relationship”, but John has expertly dodged these requests. As a result, the girls are becoming more lukewarm to him than they were before. One way to play this would be to fear the marriage factor and keep dodging relationship requests until it all fell apart and all 3 girls got tired of his shit. A better way to play this would be to get into a relationship with one of them, tell the other two, add in new recruits as they come, and break up with the first girl at the most opportune moment to leave the 2 girls left on the other side of the fence to throw themselves at him. The best part about this is how the first girl, the one you’re in a relationship with, doesn’t even have to exist. A relationship is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal if he can use it effectively.
Joe has not had much luck with girls. He recently met a girl who’s OK, and immediately entered a relationship with her. In the back of his mind, he figures this if he ends up marrying her, it’s not so bad. She’d be a decent wife, so he’ll just move on towards marrying her unless something better comes along. But by taking the marriage factor into account when entering into the relationship, Joe has effectively removed any possibility of anything better coming along. Because now, breaking up with her without a fallback plan is not an option since that will remove his “worst case marriage scenario” from his playbook. She will instinctively sense this laziness and desperation, and push Joe into a deep, dark hole that he will never climb out of. All the while, Joe is powerless to play the one card he should always be able to play: threatening to break up with her. The marriage factor has trapped him.
This is some new territory for this blog and it’s fun to write about. I’m going to keep writing some relationship topics like “The Anniversary”, “Meeting the Parents”, … there are a considerable number of topics on this. I have a good feeling about this.