Fun With Lost In Translation

There’s this website where you can type something in English and it translates it through 5 other languages before translating it back to English. It’s pretty fun for short phrases that will maintain a close meaning through multiple translations. Here’s what I came up with:

Original English Text:
quiet that woman

Translated to Japanese:
その女性を静めなさい

…

Translated back to English:
Calm under this woman

That seems subtly appropriate. Let’s see what else I can come up with here:

Original English Text:
i love you dchero, i love you

…

Translated back to English:
Esteem the dchero, I, he loves

Looks like some women were involved in that string of translations. But that’s pretty well done with the compliment put before the verbal assumption. There’s something to learn here ladies.

But there’s one thing I tried that never got lost in translation:

Original English Text:
dchero is great

Translated to Japanese:
dchero は大きい

Translated back to English:
dchero is large

Translated to Chinese:
dchero 是大的

Translated back to English:
dchero is big

Translated to Portuguese:
dchero é grande

Translated back to English:
dchero is great

Human Evolution Continues

Many people assume that human evolution has either stopped or slowed down gradually in recent millennia. It’s pretty easy to understand why. We like to think that outside of some small genetic variation, people are created equal. I mean, everyone knows how darker skin helps against a strong sun and how big breasts help feed both babies and men (in times of famine), but there’s definitely a line you’re not supposed to cross (at least in America) when you’re talking about genetic differences between races.

You probably can’t talk about how Ashkenazi Jews have a higher average intelligence than any other racial group or how Black people dominate sprint events and basketball (no citation needed). But you definitely can talk about how Kenyans win marathons. You can also say pretty much anything negative about White people for some reason.

Well, in any case, human evolution continues. Here’s a journal paper on the details. To sum it up, evolution isn’t happening because of death before reproduction as much as it’s happening because of the overwhelming level of sexual selection that’s happening. In other words, people have more choices than they ever have before. Along with that, the races are mixing as much as they ever have before.

The really interesting thing is how the brain is evolving. One example is how one form of DRD4 has become much more common over the last few thousand years. It’s a “novelty seeking” gene that has been associated with ADHD. It’s not hard to see how that would be advantageous in modern society. See my last post on chaos. But there’s also evolution happening in muscle tissue, hair, hearing, immune-system function, skin pigmentation, sense of smell, and the body’s response to heat stress.

So, what’s the moral here? Well, if human evolution is not only happening, but it’s accelerating, there’s one thing we can say for sure: there could be mutant X-Men living among us. However, since the brain is probably evolving the fastest because this evolution is hidden, the first X-Men won’t be of the Iceman/Cyclops/Nightcrawler variety. Instead, they will be the Professor X’s, the Jean Grey’s, and the Emma Frost’s. I don’t think there’s anything we can do about this, except to invest in the research of anti-telepathy helmets. Hopefully, the government is already doing this.

Master of Chaos

Few would argue against the idea that our world continues to get more complex as it’s pace of change increases. I call the combination the increase of “social entropy”. It turns out that even though I just came up with this term, it appears to already exist and the definition is close the definition I would have come up with, though it’s poorly worded.

In any case, the idea is as Social Entropy advances, class distinctions begin to disappear as individual specialization provides everyone a reasonable opportunity at a niche for success. This has slowly been happening over the last several hundred years, highlighted by various national Revolutions, the Napoleonic Code, etc. But more recently, the decline of social status (including the decline of sexual status, aka male-dominance) has led to an incredibly level playing field that is unparalleled in human history. Obviously inequalities exist, but……. I shouldn’t have to finish that point.

With class distinctions disappearing, your wealth and possessions are less important than the information you control and the tools you have at your disposal to process and interpret this information. The idea is that, in a level playing field, opportunity will be presented to everyone equally. It’s what you are able to do with this opportunity that will determine your success. These opportunities are often fleeting and once-in-a-lifetime.

With this said, it is more important than ever to master the chaotic parts of life where fast, life-changing decisions are usually made that leave so many people confused and disillusioned. These include crowded bars, auctions, car accidents, riots, mosh pits, natural disasters, and any other scenes in life where most people give up on thinking and go with their instincts to deal with the pressure and urgency of the situation. That’s a terrible idea because only lemmings use their instincts and do what everyone else would do (those two things are synonymous). You’re a human being and human beings do one thing, and one thing only, better than animals do: we make plans. So what are the rules for mastering chaos?

1. Stick with the plan
2. If you don’t have a plan, make a plan
3. There’s always time to make a plan

If you can master chaos, you will be great under pressure, which is the true ticket for being successful in the modern world.

Dancing at Marvin

In a Saturday Night Stroll on U St. not atypical of others I’ve taken in the past year, I found myself on the porch of the fabulous Marvin. With the soul-food/Belgian kitchen (that may very well rip Roscoe’s) long closed, Belgian beers are the clever remnant of this strange Northern European culture for the night crowd. The outdoor porch area’s bar is much better suited to dealing these beers than it’s smaller indoor counterpart, which I suppose is the main reason I immediately migrated onto the porch after entry.

In a moment of pause and epiphany, it came to me how the female ratio was lower on said porch than I had anticipated. My partner in crime suggested a relocation indoors, where female ratios were much more favorable. After initially wondering why these young women would prefer to be in a louder and darker indoor arena over a more open area outside, I realized this was due to a fundamental difference between the sexes I had observed many times in many different places.

Of course, a pack of women on what could easily pass for a dance floor will not spontaneously dance when music is put into the air. If you ask them why they are not dancing in spite of their clear desires, they will reply simply: ‘because no one else is dancing.’ The inertia of women is truly something to behold. Inspired by pictures on the wall of the great entertainers from yesteryear and perhaps by the spirit of the Prince of Motown himself, I found the closest married woman I could find (married women have an strange relationship with dancing I can’t quite put my finger on) to put the dance party in motion. With the Dancing Sickness spreading through the room like a new strain of syphilis, the hands of Chaos were starting to guide the young women through the night.

It felt like the room was opened as the weight of non-dancing was lifted off of everyone’s shoulders. Of course, it also could have all been a figment of my imagination. Clearly.

Eye to Eye with Girls

By now, everyone should understand that the best way to build sexual attraction is sustained eye-contact. If you don’t know, now you know. *’Juicy’ Riff* Some will say you should start building sexual attraction right away with a girl. I disagree. It’s much better to intimidate, dominate, and isolate her first to take the controls out of her hands and put them in your hands, where she wants them to be.

Maybe that amounts to ‘building sexual attraction’ after all. I mean, whatever, it’s a semantic argument. And too much time gets wasted on semantic arguments. Anyway, in order to make good eye contact, you need to be on the same vertical level as the girl you’re making eye contact with. Tilted heads make poor trust-building eye contact.

So to level the height advantage that you should have on the girl (remember, if your woman is taller than you and outweighs you, you are not a man. actually, just make that “if your woman outweighs you”), there’s a couple things you can do. Sitting down isn’t an option because it limits your aggression and dominant body language. Slouching does the same thing. That means there’s only one option: putting your feet further apart to go down to her level. I’m a huge believer in this for a few reasons:

1. You make better eye contact
2. You can position your feet to invade her personal space (when she gives you the go-ahead, don’t do it too early)
3. You can position your feet and other objects/fat people in your pick-up arena to drastically reduce her avenues of escape down to ‘pushing you aside and running for the fire exit’

I think if you’re really tall, this won’t work. Of course if you’re really tall, you probably settle for the mediocre girls who come up to you instead of working on your game. Kudos to the tall guys who don’t settle.

Now, I’m not going to be playing in the NBA anytime soon and I always manage to see guys who are shorter than I am with smoking hot chicks. I’m convinced more than ever that the eye-to-eye technique they can execute naturally is key to their success. In fact, I’m convinced that most, if not all, of my life success making good impressions is based on this theory of eye contact.

After thinking about this as I’m writing it, I see the right way to explain this. I am a natural, so it’s not so easy for me to explain. It’s like Tiger Woods describing how to read a putt. On approach, you want to seem as big and tall as possible to trigger her fear-reflex. Then, at the time she lets you move into her personal zone (if you don’t know when this is, just stay on the green circles and stop fucking up my moguls), it’s time to execute the repositioning of feet where you can trap her and bring yourself down to her eye-level. If you can maintain eye contact with her for 1-5 minutes after this (depending on her hotness rating and drunkenness level), you’ve got her. Oh damn, imagine if girls had LEDs on their heads with their BACs on them? I’d be doing numbers like Sudoku.

Wale, W.A.L.E.D.A.N.C.E

Wale (Wah-lay) is the DC Rap savior, I’m finally on the bandwagon.

Moving to a New Place: Phase I – Detach and Observe

In honor of a few graduates I know, this is part 1 of posts I have planned on Moving to a New Place. It’s important to keep in mind that the moving I’m talking about can be physical or social, but I’ll focus on physical for clarity. The same concepts are involved.

I’ve ‘moved to a new place’ 4 or 5 times in the last 6 years. Each time, I knew essentially nobody in the new place I was moving and things have always turned out pretty well. This doesn’t make me particularly gifted, other people have done the same thing. But I’ve moved to and through some very diverse cultures and I think my theories for moving are better than anyone else’s.

Phase 1 is the first two months of the move. The most important part of Phase 1 is to let go of all attachments from your previous locales. Those friends/lovers should not be used as an emotional crutch for readjustment. You have important decisions to make and if they care about you they will be there for you after you’ve transitioned and you don’t need that safety net clouding your judgment. Besides, it’s a proven fact as far as I’m concerned that long distance relationships only work for insecure failures. Everyone else ends up breaking up, just do it and get it over with.

The second most important part of Phase 1 is to avoid making good friends with anyone. Outside of very rare cases, people who are willing to be best friends with you a few days after randomly meeting you are desperate and lonely and not quality human beings. Be patient and slowly build your circle of friends because you meet best friends through other friends. The biggest mistake you can make is making friends too quickly because most of the time these people will be below you. Don’t date anyone in Phase 1.

The third most important part of Phase 1 is to explore your surroundings. Go to as many bars/nightspots as time will allow you, starting with those closest to your house. Don’t visit the same place twice until you feel you have exhausted other reasonable options. This will serve the purpose of:

1. Providing a means of meeting a good variety of people
2. Creating conversation fodder for other locals you will meet
3. Finding your niche in your new location

The 3rd point illustrates the most important part of moving to a new place. If you can understand enough of the local culture, you’ll be able to tailor your personality to a point where you will be able to interact meaningfully with your surroundings. I can see the argument that this is insincere, but that’s quite the arrogant stance. This world is bigger than you are. You have to fit in with your surroundings to be able to modify them to suit your needs.

Remember, if you can understand someone’s innermost desires, you can control them. A parallel can be drawn from an individual to a culture.

The Fat Mentality

In the comment section for Fat Girls I started to explain the ‘Fat Mentality’. It’s an attitude of failure most often seen in fat people, but also seen in others. Together, let’s call these people Fat Mentality Individuals (FMIs). The Mentality is most obvious to me when I see somebody who used to be fat but hasn’t adjusted to being normal sized yet: a true FMI specimen.

That picture above is of Star Jones, the poster-woman for this idea who was fired from the View after losing 160 pounds to be replaced by a new FMI: Rosie O’Donnell. Everybody on the View loved Fat Star Jones, but when she kept the Fat Mentality after power shredding blubber, things changed, and suddenly Star wasn’t the non-threatening fattie American soccer-moms knew and loved. She was just a loudmouth who didn’t know how to handle the different type of attention: the envy of other women. FMIs have no experience of envy directed at them, it always travels in the other direction.

Let’s make a list of Fat Mentality traits, feel free to play along at home, I’m sure we all know some good ones:

1. They draw attention to themselves in a childish way
2. If they get the aforementioned attention, they don’t have the composure to handle the spotlight
3. The spiral is simple: instant gratification, excuse, failure. Cheating on a diet to eat a pint of Chunky Monkey is a microcosm of the larger and more pervasive Fat Mentality.
4. Inability to deal with complex emotions, largely because they haven’t had much experience with them. Let’s be honest here, Fat People haven’t felt the same dizzying highs and lows of love as the rest of society. Skinny FMIs also find themselves in this situation.
5. Nonsensical deep sentimental attachments to movie characters, television shows, and animals. FMIs tend to place these things above their relationships with those around them. I would like to believe this one isn’t true.
6. No patience, especially for self-improvement. I hate people like that. When it comes down to it, FMIs are mounds of unpleasant crybaby. I could keep this list going for hours, literally.

I have my own theory about how FMIs end up with this Fat Mentality: inability to deal with failure. The only way I can see for fatties to avoid the Fat Mentality is to have the type of self-confidence that revolves around self-criticism with no fear of failure. The only way to do this is through colossal failure followed by redemption. I think both fat and skinny FMIs had formative years littered with small failures, but never had those big, life-changing failures. I can say I’ve never met an FMI who could take failure in stride, a trait observed in those who have successfully dealt with failure in the past.

…

P.S.: if you weren’t aware, there’s a fatosphere of bloggers out there who are fat-screaming (you know what I mean) how they have every right to be fat while questioning the health effects of being fat. They have holidays like No Lose Weight Day and National Donut Day. I didn’t have to go far to find the CDC’s opinion on that one. Answer me this, fatosphere: why are you wasting your time and lives fighting for a losing cause? Do you realize that you will always be hated by people who diet and exercise to stay thin? Those who diet and exercise believe that being fat is reversible and losing weight is a positive step in life for many reasons. Your polar opposite view is, well, polarizing and standoffish.

Fat people aren’t the only ones who diet, hate to break it to you. Is the aforementioned group wrong for dieting? Are you morally opposed to them? Do you even realize that the competing ideologies are natural enemies and they significantly outnumber you?

If you really believe that you’re genetically disposed to be fat, you have to find a way to be genetically tested and labeled as such. This is the ONLY way the slim, dieting population will ever accept you and not discriminate against you (which, I believe, is your goal). The slim, non-dieters don’t care about you either way. And tell me fatties, how long does it take to get off when you can get 1/2″ of penetration?

Fat Girls

I knew this girl in High School who was morbidly obese. She had an eating disorder. She ate too much. Sometime during college (or the time she would have been in college if she went) she got gastric bypass surgery and she got down to a normal weight.

When I saw her at her normal weight, she wasn’t very attractive. Still below average. I postulated that her general unattractiveness had a hand in why she was so overweight in High School. Oh, and she still acted like a fat girl. Totally didn’t know how to act as a non-obese member of society.

This has me thinking about girls who starve themselves to get thin. Whether bulimic or anorexic, I feel like they need some advice on how to do it at the least. I mean, I’m all for giving clean needles to heroin addicts. Why not give some good advice on how to do an eating disorder correctly?

The problem I see with most of them is that they look unhealthy due to malnourishment. I mean, at least have a multi-vitamin with that water. Isn’t starving yourself a bad way to lose weight anyway? I have no idea. I’ve just found myself in a position where I’m writing about something I know very little about. I’m just another one of those bloggers who writes shit about something they are ill-informed about. Sorry about that.

Timeless Flirting Tactic – Exploiting Insecurity

If there’s one thing I could go back in time and tell my 13 year old self, it would be some clever sentence about how hopelessly insecure girls are. Their insecurity is one of the few things that continues to amaze me about them. It’s hard for me to believe how some of them can even make it through life being so insecure. I wonder what that must be like.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s a problem that has any real solution. I’m not even sure it’s a problem. So, the only thing guys should concern themselves with is how to exploit it for their own gain.

I try to do anything I can to make a girl feel insecure when I first meet her. This will make her more attracted to me because I will be there to fill the black void of loneliness and self-doubt she’ll naturally create inside of herself. It’s honorable if she does this because girls really like hating themselves. You might as well help them along.

Ways to make her feel insecure:

1. Insult her, but don’t insult her too harshly. You want to trigger self-doubt without getting her angry and combative.
2. Check out other girls when you’re talking to her
3. Ask her if she can cook, clean, sew, paint, etc. until you find one she isn’t good at and talk about how it’s too bad she’s not good at it. Make up a reason why it’s too bad.
4. Show patience. If you aren’t that excited to be talking to her, she will get insecure about why you aren’t excited.
5. Get better at sensing when she is insecure about something and make a bigger deal of it than you otherwise would have. For example, say you notice her covering a chipped nail on her left hand. Point it out and bring it up in a comical manner. Shit like that is pure gold.

If you don’t believe me that women are insecure and like hating themselves, all you need to do is go to PostSecret. I’m convinced that 75% of them are written by women, 15% of them are written by man bitches, and 10% of them are just funny. Women love to read them, women love to write them, women love being insecure and sharing it with others.