Tag Archives: power

Girls and Their Powers

A long long time ago, women realized that their power peaked with their looks at around age 15 due to relatively poor nutrition. Of course 15 year old girls didn’t know what to do with this power, so life sucked for all of womankind. Later on, women realized that life didn’t have to be this way and they shrewdly invented an institution that allowed them to gain power as they got older. This institution is commonly known as the relationship.

A man reaches peak power in a relationship 15 minutes after the first time they have sex. As the relationship continues, women gradually take back all of their pre-sex power (and then some). This continues to the point where 90% of all divorces amongst college-educated couples are initiated by women*. It should also be noted that the divorce rate for college-educated couples is half the rate of non-college educated couples (40% vs 20%). In looking at the data, it seems like non-college educated couples and marriages in Nevada are skewing the normal divorce rates, but that’s another point.

The point here is that women gain an incredible amount of power by being in a long term relationship. After having this power, they can decide to get a divorce and take half of everything with them. DAMN. It’s like a team of women’s rights hookers have been banging Supreme Court Justices for the last 40 years. Modern day women are making ancient women proud.

The real question is, how does this happen? I’m pretty sure it starts when she starts sleeping over at your place and wearing your clothes in the morning, attempting to wear the ‘pants’ in your house. Then she starts cleaning your place and feeding you, which should trigger alarm bells because you’re being treated like a pig getting prepped for the slaughter block. But the pig never suspects a damn thing. There’s not a pig in recorded history who saw it coming, and the guy never does either. He just keeps eating cheeseburgers, watching football, and reading quasi-homo “men’s” magazines as he convinces himself that his relationship doesn’t reduce his manliness and desirability to other girls. Then one day she’s gone and he’s staring at his huge gut asking himself that rhetorical question: What happened?

I think the average relationship goes something like this:

Relationship Event

Man Power Units

Girl Power Units

After First Meet

25

75

After First Date

20

80

After Second Date

45

55

After Third Date

85

15

After First Sex

100

0

After 1 Month of Exclusivity

95

5

3 Months

90

10

He says “I love you”

30

70

Engagement

30

70

After Marriage

5

95

After Divorce

-100

200

Any guy who asks what the difference will be “when we get married” should take a look at this handy pocket chart to realize that he’s right, he’s already fucked. And to avoid the -100 after a divorce, it’s probably best to hire a professional wife-banger (me and some guys I know who are pretty good as these kinds of things will do it for free as a competition between us) to bang their wife and gather evidence for her infidelities that will be financially priceless in divorce court. If I’m the first guy that’s thought of this then it’s official, I really am smarter than everyone.

* – Brinig, Margaret; Douglas W. Allen (2000). “These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women”. American Law and Economics Review 2 (1): 126–129.

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Why Girls Can’t Argue

Early in life, girls are taught that if they’re in an argument with a man and they can’t win, they should cry. I’m not knocking this because it’s an extremely effective strategy that will usually end up in the girl getting what she wants, but what this means is that girls don’t develop the awesome power of wit and logic that men use to control the world later in life. In fact, a girl’s power to get her way by crying will diminish as she gets older. Let me stop to make a graph of how the different sexes gain and lose power with age:

You should notice how girls quickly become more special (and more powerful) than boys because they are cuter kids and are therefore loved more. Also notice the crossing point which can not exactly be determined by this graph and it’s lack of scale. I like to call that point “the great reversal”, but I’m sure there’s better names then that.

Anyway, the point is that women can’t argue. I would personally never hire a woman for a lawyer unless I wanted to get convicted to break my lost twin brother out of jail from the inside. Can you imagine if your woman lawyer had some type of emotional crisis (her husband cheating on/leaving her, a missed period, a bad hair day, etc.) when your virgin ass was on the line? Women may be able to learn how to argue by suppressing their femininity, but it isn’t ingrained in them because they didn’t learn it in childhood. The emo override will always get hit when the stress is highest. That’s probably the main reason there’s no female front line soldiers, if that’s still the case.

Personally, I never give in to the tears because I can see right through their tactics. I look at it like when a girl starts crying in an argument, it’s the equivalent to a guy telling me “yeah, you’re right.” At that point, I can scale down my hostility and she should scale down her tears accordingly. If she doesn’t follow suit, then she’s doing nothing but crying for attention. At that point I will be able to put another mark in the victory column by walking away.

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The Tables Have Turned

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got from anyone was from a guy at a bar whose name I will never know. I was talking about girls and he said to me: “Man, just wait until you turn 23. After that, girls will be everything you ever wanted them to be.” I penciled that one in on my life calendar as something that might prove to be important later on.

Right now I’m 24 and I can say that the prophecy has come true. There is a magical age where the tables turn, where relationships are broken off by men more than they are by women, and the proverbial ‘upper hand’ is in sync with the World of Man.

As much as I would like to credit this turnaround to advances in my game, I can’t help but think back to the prophecy and wonder if it’s destiny more than accomplishment. I think age (“experience” is a pseudonym for age as far as I’m concerned) is as much a part of a man’s game as looks are to a girl’s game.

When the tables turn for most men, they scan the horizon for the loudest Siren they can hear and pair with her to be done with it. But logic and word-of-mouth tell me that this isn’t the best offensive set in the playbook. It’s kind of like a great warrior who spends his life trying to take over a land to hold the Power over it’s people and resources. What is he supposed to do with the Power after he has it? History will tell us that gathering as much Power as possible followed by losing it all is the road most traveled. Hmmm….

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