A long long time ago, women realized that their power peaked with their looks at around age 15 due to relatively poor nutrition. Of course 15 year old girls didn’t know what to do with this power, so life sucked for all of womankind. Later on, women realized that life didn’t have to be this way and they shrewdly invented an institution that allowed them to gain power as they got older. This institution is commonly known as the relationship.
A man reaches peak power in a relationship 15 minutes after the first time they have sex. As the relationship continues, women gradually take back all of their pre-sex power (and then some). This continues to the point where 90% of all divorces amongst college-educated couples are initiated by women*. It should also be noted that the divorce rate for college-educated couples is half the rate of non-college educated couples (40% vs 20%). In looking at the data, it seems like non-college educated couples and marriages in Nevada are skewing the normal divorce rates, but that’s another point.
The point here is that women gain an incredible amount of power by being in a long term relationship. After having this power, they can decide to get a divorce and take half of everything with them. DAMN. It’s like a team of women’s rights hookers have been banging Supreme Court Justices for the last 40 years. Modern day women are making ancient women proud.
The real question is, how does this happen? I’m pretty sure it starts when she starts sleeping over at your place and wearing your clothes in the morning, attempting to wear the ‘pants’ in your house. Then she starts cleaning your place and feeding you, which should trigger alarm bells because you’re being treated like a pig getting prepped for the slaughter block. But the pig never suspects a damn thing. There’s not a pig in recorded history who saw it coming, and the guy never does either. He just keeps eating cheeseburgers, watching football, and reading quasi-homo “men’s” magazines as he convinces himself that his relationship doesn’t reduce his manliness and desirability to other girls. Then one day she’s gone and he’s staring at his huge gut asking himself that rhetorical question: What happened?
I think the average relationship goes something like this:
Relationship Event |
Man Power Units |
Girl Power Units |
---|---|---|
After First Meet |
25 |
75 |
After First Date |
20 |
80 |
After Second Date |
45 |
55 |
After Third Date |
85 |
15 |
After First Sex |
100 |
0 |
After 1 Month of Exclusivity |
95 |
5 |
3 Months |
90 |
10 |
He says “I love you” |
30 |
70 |
Engagement |
30 |
70 |
After Marriage |
5 |
95 |
After Divorce |
-100 |
200 |
Any guy who asks what the difference will be “when we get married” should take a look at this handy pocket chart to realize that he’s right, he’s already fucked. And to avoid the -100 after a divorce, it’s probably best to hire a professional wife-banger (me and some guys I know who are pretty good as these kinds of things will do it for free as a competition between us) to bang their wife and gather evidence for her infidelities that will be financially priceless in divorce court. If I’m the first guy that’s thought of this then it’s official, I really am smarter than everyone.
* – Brinig, Margaret; Douglas W. Allen (2000). “These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women”. American Law and Economics Review 2 (1): 126–129.