Monthly Archives: February 2009

Atheism is for Fifth Graders

so why are you talking about this again?

so why are you wasting my time with this again?

 It’s time for me to slay my own Laplacian Demon (go look it up, I’ll wait). It goes something like this:

How can Atheists make the claim that God doesn’t exist when it’s blatantly obvious to everyone with a Middle School education that their claim that the Universe came from nothing is equally ridiculous?

Seriously, you hear it all the time. Some smug fuck says some shit like “it’s only a matter of time before everyone else figures out God doesn’t exist” or “God is just a natural progression of worship away from the stars and towards a more human-like character of the heavens, didn’t you see [insert Internet documentary here]?” Then they say something about the Big Bang, do some hand-waving saying ‘scientists are still working out the details’, and never realize how retarded their argument is because there is no Atheist theory on how the Universe came to be.

The way I see it is pretty clear. The ‘Big Bang’ was initiated by some entity external to the Universe and external to the Universe’s laws of space and time. That entity, whatever it is, is what all the World’s religions refer to as God or gods. Everyone, especially the Agnostics, should agree with this basic idea. The matter of if this entity still exists and guards over the Universe is another matter entirely.

But seriously, I have no intellectual respect for anyone who is a non-Agnostic Atheist who can not even acknowledge the statement in the previous paragraph. Atheism is a childish view harbored by individuals who are not intelligent enough to recognize the inherent contradiction in their view. It’s like the goth kids who don’t realize they’re only goth because they’re ugly. Or really, more like those kids who support “anarchy” only because nobody else supports it even though they don’t know what it means. Then these kids grow up to be “Libertarians”, not realizing that their political vision would only benefit the “good old boys networks” and other rich, powerful, old money peoples at the expense of larger society, including them. 

The larger view is quite simple: a little knowledge is dangerous. It empowers fools in the same way Religion empowers fools. Hm. This idiom becomes more and more relevant by the day as information, much of it unreliable, spreads quickly to an ungodly number of people before any subject expert can publicly dispute it or any individual taking in that information can put it in perspective. A great example of this, which I expect more of with far more disastrous consequences, is the “Steve Jobs had a heart attack” rumor that (very) temporarily shocked Apple’s stock price that was started by a bunch of 4chan fags. No I’m not gay bashing, 4chan is… well, if you’ve never been, you have to go. It’s like the Disneyworld of the Internet. Anyway, it’s amazing how powerful the control of information flow across the Internet is. Any shitfuck idea  or rumor, when funneled through the right data portals, can wield an incredible and immediate power. A question: what would Information Terrorism be?

So yeah, all the Atheists who casually drop their beliefs in the middle of a conversation to look cool just sound like the kid in History class who thinks Communism is superior to Capitalism to draw attention to himself. At least to me.

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The Anniversary

 

some emo anniversary shit

some emo anniversary shit

 

 

Anniversaries don’t exist unless you’re a total bitch and completely crumble during a DTR. For real though, when one of your buddies’ girlfriend is outwardly celebrating the 1 month, 3 month, 6 month, 1 year anniversary, call his bitch ass out on it. Be merciless, it’s for his own good. The first sign you’re in a bad relationship is the 1 month anniversary celebration. It shows you’re completely at her mercy, don’t let it happen to you.

Besides, if you’re playing it right she should be hesitant to celebrate an anniversary outwardly because it will just shove a reminder into your face of how long you’ve been together. Presumably this will make her afraid that this will cause you to break up with her. Ideally, the anniversary goes relatively unnoticed with the only sign of it being a subtle hinting at it on the girl’s part.

Remember, she doesn’t like you, she likes “us” (her and you), so an anniversary is a big deal. And, obviously, holidays aren’t anything but anniversaries shared between couples. So on both counts, it’s best to brush them off professionally like the shit tests they are. And if you can’t pass those shit tests, it’s time to take it back to the mattresses.

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