Tag Archives: waxing

The Art of Waxing

Waxing is a term I use to describe how I talk when it feels like I’m on stage, like I’m giving a performance. It’s when I have my audience (which could be a girl I’m flirting with, a hiring manager I’m interviewing with, a girl I’m flirting with, etc.) hanging on my every word because everything I say sounds so got-damn smooth that it should really be recorded. In other words, it should be put on wax (that’s vinyl to the new-schoolers out there). It’s almost like I’ve memorized my lines, and my audience is watching me put on a show.

The key to the whole thing is to know my audience so well that the topics and words I choose hit them absolutely perfectly in the moment. A lot of reading of emotions goes into the whole deal. A lot more of it is simple trial and error. It’s not necessarily a monologue, because I have to get some verbal back and forth to keep their attention through participation (like teachers do to schoolchildren), but I’m absolutely going to lead the conversation down the road to the fantasy I want to create. Basically, whenever I want to impress someone, to have them think highly of me for whatever-ever reason, all I need to do is a little bit of waxing and it’s like magic, I can do no wrong.

The neat thing about it is how so many of the same methods work with different audiences in different situations. Whether I’m running the moistie-iso or I’m trying to get FY08 R&D money from a boardroom full of VPs, waxing is waxing. There’s so many elements that go into a successful wax, and that’s what makes it an art in the truest sense. Balancing body language, tone, speed, pauses, confidence, the questions, and the answers is like improv drama.

I remember the first time I thought about this shit: I was a sophomore in college and I got into an across-the-table conversation with this cute Italian girl I fancied. I like Italian girls. I don’t remember what we were talking about or what time it was or who else was even there because none of that shit ever matters anyway, but it was at a house party and there was something like 10-15 people in the general area just sitting there listening to our conversation. It was like, everything I said was funny, clever, witty… something in that general vein. This goes on for 10 solid minutes (maybe more like 5), then I pull a George Costanza and excuse myself to get another beverage when I have everybody eating out of my hand.

I get the girl one-on-one maybe an hour later, get into a more normal conversation, and walked her home. I hooked up with her a few times after that before I fucked it up the way everybody fucks it up when they’re 19 years old (or at least the way I always did, by drinking too much), but more importantly, I learned about the power of waxing.

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