Hero How-To: Making A Scene

The other day, I saw something so pathetic I feel emasculated just writing about it. This girl was breaking up with her boyfriend and when she turned to walk away he said, in a moderate voice, “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave me like that?” Then he looked around (for what???), said “I can’t believe it”, and slowly walked away shaking his head.

After I laughed, I realized that he tried to make a scene. But buddy, you made so many mistakes. I mean, when you make a scene, nobody should be laughing at you. They should either be looking away, running away, or laughing at the person causing you to make the scene. Let’s go over what he should have done:

1. Sworn loudly and deliberately. Saying “You FUCKING WHORE!” while pointing at her would have been a good start.
2. Grabbed her like he was going to physically harm her. This would get everyone’s attention, which is the whole fucking point of making a scene in the first place.
3. Screamed at her in an obscenity laced tirade of how much of a slut she is, how ugly she is, and how he cheated on her. It doesn’t matter if any of this is true or even if he plans on getting back together with her, he can always say he got caught up in the moment. Girls forgive tirades shockingly easily.
4. Stop the tirade, give her the Alpha Stare, look like he’s about to hit her, then let her go and walk away slowly and deliberately.
5. Scene made.

For the times in life you need to make a scene, remember the basics:

1. Be loud
2. Swear
3. Appear to be on the brink of physical violence
4. Disregard anything said to you
5. Walk away slowly and deliberately when you’ve made your point

My Hero

After a good deal of time and self-reflection, I’ve come to the shocking conclusion that I am, in fact, my own hero. This blog is here to serve the following purposes (in order):

1. To entertain myself
2. To bring me closer to my dream (becoming a youtube star)
3. To entertain any readers I might have (thanks for reading by the way)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s Friday night and there are beautiful women in this city who will go home early (with a lame excuse) if they don’t get macked on by a high-caliber male. Use your vanity mirrors to send your distress beacons of reflected moonlight into the sky, ladies. The DC Hero will find you.