Shit I Learned From Poker: Folding Pocket Aces

I wasted a shitload (100 assloads = 10 shitloads = 1 fuckload) of time as a young whippersnapper (it’s my dream to get called a whippersnapper just one more time) playing poker. In middle school, high school, and the first half of college I played every poker game known to man at least once. It’s an arguable point, but a pair of aces in your hand in Texas Hold’Em before the flop is probably the most powerful betting position you can be in when you’re playing poker. In other words the last thing you should do is fold (throw them away).

But I read an old poker book by Doyle Brunson or somebody that said you’re not a real poker player until you fold pocket aces at least once. Because after that, you’ll be able to let go of any hand at any time if you should get out of it. I ended up doing it in college at a casino I went to all the time. When I did it, I showed them to the guy sitting next to me who called me “his nemesis” because I beat him all the time. I’ll never forget the look he gave me when he saw I was throwing away pocket aces. I knew he’d never have the edge on me after that.

At the core of it is the idea that you are bigger, badder, and better than everything. You don’t need lady luck, because you’re going to win anyway. You’re not grateful for every break you get, you know that you deserve them. If anything, luck should be grateful just to be in your presence. If you believe this to the core, nothing will shock you or take you by surprise. Setbacks are just scenic routes to success and luck is when you find the shortcut. No matter what happens, you’re getting there.

Things in life similar to folding pocket aces are: quitting a great job, dumping a great girlfriend, moving away from a great place, leaving a great party, and throwing away a winning lottery ticket. None of them are logical, but you do it to remind yourself that you’re in control.

And remember, when you fold pocket aces, make sure you show them to somebody.

The Comfort Zone

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

– Albert Einstein

The greatest mistake you can make is not making any. Stop being such a pussy.

– DC Hero

I swear it’s like every day I hear about somebody who is afraid to go out on a limb and make a mistake. It’s this ‘What-if’ game people play to talk themselves out of doing things. “What if I get fired?”, “What if I move there and I don’t make any friends?”, “What if I break up with him and I don’t find someone as good as him?”, “What if these warts never go away?”. It’s a scientific fact that 90% of all fears are fears of failure. It’s ridiculous, it needs to stop already, and it’s ruining this country.

I’ve come up with this logic: being afraid of failure will put you in the Comfort Zone. The Comfort Zone is defined as an eternal state of pussification that is categorized by a continuous cycle of anxiousness, false-security, and self-doubt. The Comfort Zone is most readily observed in guys in long term relationships under the age of 25 who run to their girlfriends to make things better the same way a 3 year old runs to mommy to make things better. I know this because I’ve been there.

You might be thinking: ‘Yo, whatever dude. I like the comfort zone. Take this shit somewhere else’. But friend, what will happen when your comfort zone collapses? When you lose your job? When you get dumped? When someone close to you passes away? When the Patriots lose the Super Bowl? Notice I didn’t play the ‘what-if’ game here. These things will happen, and the Comfort Zone is the worst way to prepare for any of them.

I saw this article today talking about an unexplained 20% rise in suicides for middle aged people (age 45-54). I have a feeling that a sudden fear of the Comfort Zone is related to a mid-life crisis. I have a related feeling that since people are becoming more entrenched in the Comfort Zone, they are increasingly seeing suicide as the only solution to this mid-life crisis.

If this is true, we need to stand up and do something about this. I see failing miserably as the only cure for being in the Comfort Zone. Overcoming fear of failure by failing. I like it. Since most people won’t fail if given the choice, we’ll have to take the choice away from them and impose failure on them instead. I propose that March 1st becomes National Fail Day. Everyone should take their time to set up a close friend or confidant for failure on this day. This is similar to April Fool’s Day (the best holiday ever), but on a larger scale. A good example of a National Fail Day prank would be to have someone who the target doesn’t know call the target and “fire” them due to knowledge that you would know that would get them fired. Make sure the person who is calling identifies themselves as a lawyer or somebody from “corporate headquarters” because their boss did not want to make the call given the circumstances.

Other examples of National Fail Day pranks include fake breakups and any other fake but emotional news. Remember, it can be negative OR positive news. Just remember to reveal it’s fakeness at the optimal time. I can’t wait for this fantastic new holiday.