A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
– Albert Einstein
The greatest mistake you can make is not making any. Stop being such a pussy.
– DC Hero
I swear it’s like every day I hear about somebody who is afraid to go out on a limb and make a mistake. It’s this ‘What-if’ game people play to talk themselves out of doing things. “What if I get fired?”, “What if I move there and I don’t make any friends?”, “What if I break up with him and I don’t find someone as good as him?”, “What if these warts never go away?”. It’s a scientific fact that 90% of all fears are fears of failure. It’s ridiculous, it needs to stop already, and it’s ruining this country.
I’ve come up with this logic: being afraid of failure will put you in the Comfort Zone. The Comfort Zone is defined as an eternal state of pussification that is categorized by a continuous cycle of anxiousness, false-security, and self-doubt. The Comfort Zone is most readily observed in guys in long term relationships under the age of 25 who run to their girlfriends to make things better the same way a 3 year old runs to mommy to make things better. I know this because I’ve been there.
You might be thinking: ‘Yo, whatever dude. I like the comfort zone. Take this shit somewhere else’. But friend, what will happen when your comfort zone collapses? When you lose your job? When you get dumped? When someone close to you passes away? When the Patriots lose the Super Bowl? Notice I didn’t play the ‘what-if’ game here. These things will happen, and the Comfort Zone is the worst way to prepare for any of them.
I saw this article today talking about an unexplained 20% rise in suicides for middle aged people (age 45-54). I have a feeling that a sudden fear of the Comfort Zone is related to a mid-life crisis. I have a related feeling that since people are becoming more entrenched in the Comfort Zone, they are increasingly seeing suicide as the only solution to this mid-life crisis.
If this is true, we need to stand up and do something about this. I see failing miserably as the only cure for being in the Comfort Zone. Overcoming fear of failure by failing. I like it. Since most people won’t fail if given the choice, we’ll have to take the choice away from them and impose failure on them instead. I propose that March 1st becomes National Fail Day. Everyone should take their time to set up a close friend or confidant for failure on this day. This is similar to April Fool’s Day (the best holiday ever), but on a larger scale. A good example of a National Fail Day prank would be to have someone who the target doesn’t know call the target and “fire” them due to knowledge that you would know that would get them fired. Make sure the person who is calling identifies themselves as a lawyer or somebody from “corporate headquarters” because their boss did not want to make the call given the circumstances.
Other examples of National Fail Day pranks include fake breakups and any other fake but emotional news. Remember, it can be negative OR positive news. Just remember to reveal it’s fakeness at the optimal time. I can’t wait for this fantastic new holiday.