She’s Asian, But She’s Not Hot

I think by now everybody knows a funny looking white guy who has an Asian Fetish. These lemon-pickers/busdrivers go beyond succumbing to the Asian Persuasion that will do in most hot blooded males when confronted with a HAG (hot Asian girl). Said individuals will just be lost in the fact that she’s Asian without considering anything else, even when she’s obviously not all that. All they have to say about her to their buddies is something like “dude, she’s amazing, she’s so amazing”.

In fact, it seems that they can’t tell the difference between an ugly Asian girl and a HAG. If we look at guys who like blondes, their feelings are strikingly similar.

The above sentiments were brought up to me by an Asian girl (Ms. Luau). I do agree with them, and I think it provokes a larger discussion of fetishes.

As far as I can tell, men have many more fetishes than their female counterparts in both number and variety. In fact, after doing 20 seconds of research, I’ve concluded that fetishes are mostly limited to heterosexual men, and involve complex personal meanings behind the fetishes. How interesting.

As far as I know from the circle (more accurately, the heavily clustered network) of people I come in contact with, the Asian and Blonde fetishes are the most popular, with Latina coming in 3rd. These are the “spoken” fetishes. The Internet tells me that the most common non-human (“unspoken”) fetishes involve panty hose, panties, and high heels: all instruments of femininity. Interesting.

I conclude that there is no way to definitively say why a man would choose one fetish over another. However, it does seem that the only thing Blondes, Asians, panties, and high heels have in common is their association as symbols of femme. If fetishes arise due to a childhood stall in the Phallic stage of Freud’s Psychosexual development, it’s very likely that men will misplace their innate desire for femininity in the objects of fetishes. Women wouldn’t have this problem to the same degree because of a lack of childhood intimate contact with their fathers (in most normal cases).

So what can we say after taking this all in? Fetishes are for men who do not have a deep understanding of their sexuality and who are unable to distinguish true signs of femininity from the infrared countermeasures deployed by modern society. Men who are not attracted to any and all fertile women are the confused and misguided. It’s also unclear whether pornography will further confuse these individuals or magically clear things up. Wait, maybe that isn’t so unclear…

Testosterone and Men are on the Decline

In my daily, awesome perusal of the internet, I came across this study in the Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism (a very reputable journal, as far as I can tell from the journals it is cross-referenced with) concerning a Population-Level Decline in Serum Testosterone Levels of American Men. It was the largest, most comprehensive study of it’s kind measuring testosterone levels of men from different generations as they aged over a 17 year period (1987-2004). The results show a population-level decrease in testosterone (that means, for example, men who were born between 1916-1919 were measured to have lower testosterone than men born between 1940-1945 when aged the same number of years, look at this graph) that is consistent with “population-level decline in sperm counts and increasing incidence rates of certain reproductive disorders in men, especially in some Northern European countries.” Maybe Paula Cole was onto something.

The study does show what had already been known: that testosterone decreases linearly with age. However, it is surprising that we can see such a noticeable decrease in testosterone levels for no apparent genetic reason (further proof that relying on hundreds of thousands of years of evolution for mating dynamics is a huge mistake, stop talking about cavemen please, cavemen didn’t have mixed race girls).

Also, while this study was only done in the U.S., it’s large sample size (N=1709) and close matching with trends seen in other parts of the world (at least in developed nations) suggest that something is at work here. Feminism? Corporate culture? McDonalds? Acceptance of homosexuality? Yellow #5?!?!?

If you’re a good scientist, you may wonder why this study was done on older men. It’s because they were trying to measure how testosterone levels decrease with age. They just happened to stumble into this surprising result of decrease in testosterone over generations.

It’s very interesting to me how it is natural to assume that people aged faster back in the day, after all, people are living longer now than they ever have. However, older men maintained (in this study) higher testosterone levels than the next generation at the same age. Your dad had the right to call you ‘son’, son.

The good news is that girls are hotter than they’ve ever been, and the testosterone is being sucked out of society. Sounds like shooting fish in a barrel to me.

I am a scientist, but this is not my field. If you’re interested in a real editorial by someone who knows what they’re talking about, read this.

Using Money/Status/Power to get Women

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When I think about feminists and their revolution, I think about what their goals are. I assume these to be:

• The removal of the ‘glass ceiling’ (ability to climb the corporate ladder)
• Ugly girls getting treated like pretty girls do (looks don’t matter in life)
• Being self-sufficient (women don’t need men financially, emotionally, or physically)
• Sexual equality (women should be able to sleep with whoever they want, whenever)

What do these goals really mean? Let’s break them down:

• I’d turn into a man if I could
• I hate his girlfriend
• I’d turn into a man if I could
• I hate his girlfriend

Who, exactly, says women are complicated? It’s that single guy in his late 30’s who spent his post-college years working 65 hours a week, and he doesn’t get why girls aren’t impressed with his ‘power job’. And, of course, it should go without mentioning that the only metric he judges women by is their looks. More specifically, their “20-feet-away-looks” because that’s the distance other people will judge his trophy and (due to the life he constructed) how they will judge him and his status. (Note: girls that look better/worse at certain distances is another topic entirely that I will handle at a later time. My on-and-off relationship with glasses makes me an expert in this field.).

So, to sum it up: this type of man successfully climbed the corporate ladder, thinks his looks don’t matter, is completely self-sufficient, and bangs mudturtles, but doesn’t understand why his coveted hottie falls for those guys who aren’t as ‘successful and established’ as he is. If you’ll notice, he’s successfully acquired what many feminists want, but it’s completely failed him and left him unhappy except for the moments of post-coital bliss after banging said mudturtles (we’ve all been there, let’s be honest).

The moral: Feminists are trying to go down the same road of cold, unemotional objectivity that has failed so many men. Money, status, and power will not make you happier and they are never associated with love or freedom. Excuse me, I have to get off my high horse now.

Anyway, what was the point here? Oh yeah, when I see that guy with hundreds of dollars worth of clothes on, drinking by himself, then I see that other guy wearing a t-shirt, looking off mindlessly into the distance while some sex bomb is doing everything she can to keep his attention, I don’t ever want to be that guy in the suit.