She’s Asian, But She’s Not Hot

I think by now everybody knows a funny looking white guy who has an Asian Fetish. These lemon-pickers/busdrivers go beyond succumbing to the Asian Persuasion that will do in most hot blooded males when confronted with a HAG (hot Asian girl). Said individuals will just be lost in the fact that she’s Asian without considering anything else, even when she’s obviously not all that. All they have to say about her to their buddies is something like “dude, she’s amazing, she’s so amazing”.

In fact, it seems that they can’t tell the difference between an ugly Asian girl and a HAG. If we look at guys who like blondes, their feelings are strikingly similar.

The above sentiments were brought up to me by an Asian girl (Ms. Luau). I do agree with them, and I think it provokes a larger discussion of fetishes.

As far as I can tell, men have many more fetishes than their female counterparts in both number and variety. In fact, after doing 20 seconds of research, I’ve concluded that fetishes are mostly limited to heterosexual men, and involve complex personal meanings behind the fetishes. How interesting.

As far as I know from the circle (more accurately, the heavily clustered network) of people I come in contact with, the Asian and Blonde fetishes are the most popular, with Latina coming in 3rd. These are the “spoken” fetishes. The Internet tells me that the most common non-human (“unspoken”) fetishes involve panty hose, panties, and high heels: all instruments of femininity. Interesting.

I conclude that there is no way to definitively say why a man would choose one fetish over another. However, it does seem that the only thing Blondes, Asians, panties, and high heels have in common is their association as symbols of femme. If fetishes arise due to a childhood stall in the Phallic stage of Freud’s Psychosexual development, it’s very likely that men will misplace their innate desire for femininity in the objects of fetishes. Women wouldn’t have this problem to the same degree because of a lack of childhood intimate contact with their fathers (in most normal cases).

So what can we say after taking this all in? Fetishes are for men who do not have a deep understanding of their sexuality and who are unable to distinguish true signs of femininity from the infrared countermeasures deployed by modern society. Men who are not attracted to any and all fertile women are the confused and misguided. It’s also unclear whether pornography will further confuse these individuals or magically clear things up. Wait, maybe that isn’t so unclear…

No Asians 2008

So my uh friend, Will, has made a New Year’s resolution like any self-respecting gentleman would. He’s proclaimed that, in sharp dissonance with his past, there will be no Asian love in 2008. He doesn’t have any good reasons to do this, he just wanted to see if he could do it. To prove it to himself.

Wikipedia, in it’s infinite wisdom, defines an Asian fetish as the sexual objectification of Asians who are “objectified and valued not for who they are as people, but for their race or perceptions of their culture.” Besides a high probability of having been written by a virgin, that definition completely disregards their physical hotness and numerical mastery. Sorry Wikipedia, you are wrong. I will tell my friend Will to correct it when he gets a chance. There’s nothing wrong with liking a racial group as long as you like other racial groups. If it gets to the point where you’re ignoring hot girls because they’re not in your so called ‘fetish’ group, you officially have a problem. Or you’re gay. Yeah, probably the latter.

Will agrees that many sides of this Asian issue has been covered before. We’ve decided that only two things are really left to be said:

1. Asian Persuasion is the most powerful spell that can be cast on a man. If any part of history should be changed, the Sirens in Greek mythology should be Asian.
2. Girls who are White on the outside but Asian on the inside are called ‘Eggs’. This is just a result of women from all cultures taking note of the power of the Asian Persuasion and using it for their own good, defying their genetic makeup. I think guys copy Blacks and Latinos for similar gains, but I really don’t know. We’ll have to investigate that one further.

Will Will have the willpower to achieve greatness in 2008? Only 10 months to go!