Relationships, A Guy’s Perspective: Entering Relationships

 

*why define something thats pefect as it is?*

*why define something that's pefect as it is?*

 

 

They say that women think about marriage and men think about sex. But that’s bullshit. Successful women think about marriage and successful men think about sex. And there’s plenty of unsuccessful failures out there.

Depending on how you see it, relationships have gone light-years forward or backward in the last century. It used to be that men and women brought real skills to the table and married each other if those skills combined to achieve a survival rate of >75% for their offspring. You can see it in the American History Museum. Skills women brought to the table, like cooking, cleaning, and care-taking were actually skills that could mean the difference between life and death. Food poisoning, disease-ridden cloths, and deathly-ill children were all pitfalls of the man who chose beauty above a woman’s practical abilities. 

Of course, all of these responsibilities have been replaced, or at least diminished, by modern conveniences. First  slaves, then indentured servants, then machines came within the common man’s financial reach to offset the inabilities of his trophy wife so he didn’t have to play the mistress game that nobody wants to play. This led to a drastic reduction in a woman’s responsibilities which directly led to them having enough time to parade for suffrage, equal-rights, and equal-pay. It was great, in a sense, for women to become near-equals with men. But wait a second, if all of their responsibilities have been replaced by machines (add the Internet to that list) in the modern relationship, then we shouldn’t expect many men to line up at the chance to throw half of their earnings at them. 

Of course, this is exactly what we see. Women bring little to nothing (compared to what they used to bring) to a relationship outside of their wide degrees of sensuality (emotional and physical). So should a man get into a relationship? Or should he stop the car and unlock the doors when she asks for too much commitment? 

This decision is a complicated one that I consistently see being made incorrectly.Guys get into relationships they shouldn’t and guys stay out of relationships that would be good to them. At the root of each of these bad decisions is this ridiculous idea that marriage at the end of the relationship tunnel. Guys get into bad relationships because they see this as an opportunity at marriage they will not otherwise get. Guys stay out of good relationships because they see themselves as having many more moonlit adventures before they stand at the cold end of the aisle, watching their buddies sip whisky in the pews, and listening to their groomsmen plan their sexual conquests with the bridesmaids. 

This, as I will show, is a fundamental miscalculation. The “marriage factor” should not be taken into account when entering a relationship, whether that factor is positive or negative. In a modern relationship, you can leave to upgrade at literally any time. In fact, the modern man should view his “being in a relationship” as having little to no effect on his life. If there is any advantage gained by being in a relationship, he should take that immediate advantage and disregard any of the subsequent consequences of this new status that will immediately fill his thoughts. Likewise, if there is no immediate advantage to entering a relationship (these are the relationships guys should not be in), there is no reason to enter it (since opportunity of a single shot at marriage is not a valid reason). Let me clarify with some examples.

Example 1:

John has been sleeping around with the same 3 girls who don’t know each other for the last 4 months. All of them have been casually suggesting at “defining the relationship”, but John has expertly dodged these requests. As a result, the girls are becoming more lukewarm to him than they were before. One way to play this would be to fear the marriage factor and keep dodging relationship requests until it all fell apart and all 3 girls got tired of his shit. A better way to play this would be to get into a relationship with one of them, tell the other two, add in new recruits as they come, and break up with the first girl at the most opportune moment to leave the 2 girls left on the other side of the fence to throw themselves at him. The best part about this is how the first girl, the one you’re in a relationship with, doesn’t even have to exist. A relationship is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal if he can use it effectively.

Example 2:

Joe has not had much luck with girls. He recently met a girl who’s OK, and immediately entered a relationship with her. In the back of his mind, he figures this if he ends up marrying her, it’s not so bad. She’d be a decent wife, so he’ll just move on towards marrying her unless something better comes along. But by taking the marriage factor into account when entering into the relationship, Joe has effectively removed any possibility of anything better coming along. Because now, breaking up with her without a fallback plan is not an option since that will remove his “worst case marriage scenario” from his playbook. She will instinctively sense this laziness and desperation, and push Joe into a deep, dark hole that he will never climb out of. All the while,  Joe is powerless to play the one card he should always be able to play: threatening to break up with her. The marriage factor has trapped him.

This is some new territory for this blog and it’s fun to write about. I’m going to keep writing some relationship topics like “The Anniversary”, “Meeting the Parents”, … there are a considerable number of topics on this. I have a good feeling about this.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Relationships, A Guy’s Perspective: Entering Relationships

  1. Nice post. The only advice my old man gave me about love, sex, et all was, “RF, never, ever marry the first girl you sleep with.

    Seemed odd at the time, but a couple of my dorkiest friends have done just this. And I think all of them are punching below their weight.

    I discovered game within the past year, so my prior gains haven’t been as impressive as in the past twelve months, but I will say that each progressive girlfriend I’ve had has been more attractive than the last, and I’m far from a ladies man.

    I’ve tried to quietly point out to even the dorkiest of my friends that with experience, they’re only going to get more sociable (and thus attractive), but these guys have been celibate into their mid-twenties, so it’s hard for them to really trust the advice.

  2. anon

    Just the words I needed to hear.

  3. ultimate use of the Internet is to balance the virual and real life aspect of business relationship

    The internet needs to be re-invented or must be used as an interactive tool that becomes part of a transaction but not the transaction. I am not sure that I am making myself clear on that one, but let’s face it if you automate the process of relationship, then…where is the relationship?

    Food for thoughts…

  4. i agree with what didier just just said… but imagine if there was a .hack/relationship/hot_chick/no_bitching command….. now examine that.

    “The best part about this is how the first girl, the one you’re in a relationship with, doesn’t even have to exist. A relationship is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal if he can use it effectively.”

    This is absolutely true. I would like to throw in a couple of mine own caveats:
    1. If you have a girl/friend who is like a bro (BRO CODE), then you can use her to manipulate possible new recruits.
    2. Also if you feel current soldiers are losing morale, transitioning one of them into “Girlfriend” status and then rehashing something with the 1st one (current the ex-) then you can keep the cycle going.
    3. Why do you think married guys are so dam attracted to women (especially when they got some age on the girl).

    DChero…. a topic I would definitely like to get your perspective on is the “Pregnancy Scare” or the moment i call the “Ball Retraction”

  5. hahahah, that pregnancy scare is definitely something I have to cover

  6. just a gal

    I’m sorry, I just have to say you sound so very immature… it’s just sad the way you view women and relationships.

    You start your text with a valid point of view. It’s true, not all relationships need to “end” up in marriage, then you go on stating your motives and you depic women as beings with no other goals in life other than dragging man into marriage and making their life hell. You practically say women have nothing to offer and they became obsolete now that you have other ways to complete house tasks. Not totally obsolete, according to this text, they can still offer sexual favors.

    Women are not the enemy, you are robbing yourself of living meaningful life experiences. It’s just sad when people propagate such esteriotypes. Not every girl out there is a life sucking sucubbus.

    Even though you try to make this sound very reasonable it just shows someone who is really scared of getting hurt.

    I hope you fall in love sometime and forget all about those silly games. Very silly games, by the way.

    • jils

      i really agree with u. i’ve felt the same about this post.

      The beginning was good and then as i went on reading i was feeling so sad for this guy – and reminded me of other guys I met that I’m sure reason like this.

      as u said, not all women are enemies, controlling and clingy. there are some who can truly care about you being happy and free to do all your stuff, as long as they see you happy. i thank god that there are also guys that do not think about how to get new back-up girlfriends all the time but care about the one girl they are with.

      one thing that is good though, i thought this guy was being sincere, giving us the opportunity to see how SOME guys really think.

  7. Deborah

    Your posts makes so much sense because the way my brother and I were raised was basically the same, even though I’m a girl and he’s a guy. Our parents told both of us to have fun, live our lives, date different people and learn not to “settle.” By dating different people you automatically begin to change, you discover things about yourself that will lead you to find “the one.” So in a way, the more you date, the better, but not because you want to become a ladies men but because that’s just how you learn and grow as a person, as a man. However if you enter a relationship thinking this is the person I’ll marry because I know I’ll find nothing else in the future, then yeah, you’re pretty much screwed.

    The whole problem with relationships nowadays is that the media is turning dating or relationships into a game that none of us know how to play. We’re somehow denying our instincts to give way to more “civilized” ways of thinking that are leading to more divorce rates and heartbreaks. Common sense is such a useful tool and a lot of us seem to be missing it in our relationships.

    Thanks a lot for the post. I will most certainly stop reading stupid Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire magazines… It’s embarrassing how biased women can be in articles concerning relationships. I wish I had more advice like this in the future, not just for my own sanity, but for my boyfriends’.

  8. regretful

    I ended up marrying the first girl I was with and it turned out badly. I was in my mid 20’s when I did it for the first time. I was very innocent and naive back then. I tried to break up with her because I wanted to date other women but I turned out to be one of those guys who is not a playboy and struggled with ending it and she manipulated me into marriage that I did not want.
    My advice to anyone is to not get involved with someone unless you are convinced you would be happy to marry them too. My life ended up being trashed and I have not recovered from this mistake.
    I admire people who wait for the right person even if they are “old” by today’s standards.

  9. UneFemme

    If you don’t want to be in a relationship, just be clear about it! Nobody is trying to force you into it. Playing stupid mind games with women who genuinely prefer monogamy is immoral and selfish. If you don’t want monogamy, find a partner who is okay with that. Just be clear about your intentions and nobody will be hurt, rather than trying to come up with excuses such as that women have become useless for a relationship, etc.. While it is true that technology has improved the lives of both men and women, saying that it has replaced all of women’s responsibilities is ridiculous! Women still provide emotional support to their men, keep them out of trouble, thereby increasing their lifespan, have a positive influence on their earnings, provide them with constant supply of sex, while adding an intimate connection to it. Most importantly, relationships increase the chance of passing his genes on. Random one night stands cost money, increase the risk of STDs, rarely involve any intimacy, and any offspring produced this way probably has a lower chance of survival.
    Bottom line: if you are the non-monogamous type of a guy, just be clear about it! There are a lot of guys who seem to just be programmed to spread their seed rather than to be in a monogamous relationship.

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