Flirting Tactic: Alpha Stare

Nothing says “I mean business” like an Alpha Stare. It identifies you as a predator to your prey, and girls love it. The fact women are relatively unafraid of a predator stare makes me think that many of them were eaten by lions in ancient times. You know, like, after they had children or something.

Anyway, an Alpha Stare demonstrates undivided attention, in it’s purest form, to your, uh, prey. I’m pretty sure a girl’s happiness is directly proportional to the amount of attention paid to her. Focus on the area on her forehead in between her eyes but an inch or so above the eyes. And don’t avert your eyes for any external distractions, this is a power stare.

Just remember, women fall in love with their kidnappers (that Swedish thing) and their mental and emotional abusers. Let’s just avoid the ‘physical abusers’ category by saying it-is-what-it-is. So girls have no problem falling in love with predators. Don’t be afraid to narrow your eyelids and look like you’re getting ready for a fight because you are getting ready for a fight. Flirting is a battle of wills, don’t ever forget that. You just have to hide it behind some polite gestures.

Another thing I like to do is move my eyes first then have my head follow my eyes. I’m not really sure why I like this, but it seems to have an effect. The girl notices that she caught your attention before she captivated you. I mean, let’s be honest here, I look at a lot of things but I don’t turn my head to focus on just anything.

Flirting Tactic: Telling a Big Lie

Since flirting is one of my all time favorite activities and consumes 75-80% of my life, I’m starting a series of posts on flirting tactics. Hopefully I’ll learn some things about flirting and about my overall flirting tendencies. I hope it’s entertaining. Let’s get to it.

One of my favorite flirting tactics is telling a big lie. Example:

Girl selling concert stickers: “So what are you going to do with this sticker?”
Me: “What?” (I heard her)
Girl selling concert stickers: “Where are you going to put this?” (got her to think and re-phrase = investment = +1 flirting point)
Me: “It’s a bumper sticker, I’m putting it on my bumper”
Girl selling concert stickers: “(look of interest)… Oh yeah? What do you drive?”
Me: “The B30 Metro connector. (pause) Some people ride the bus, and some people drive the bus. (pause) I drive the bus.”
Girl selling concert stickers: (laughs, doesn’t quite know what to say, says something as I walk away) + 5 flirting points

I successfully got some investment and a genuine laugh while revealing literally no information about myself. And that’s the key to this whole Big Lie thing: you can hide everything behind hilarious lies. Watch me tell jokes and act charming while I avoid tough questions at the same time. Don’t you trust me now? We sure do, Bill. This is different than a believable lie which is misleading and unmanly.

A Big Lie bonus is the creative entertainment value it provides you. You’ll never be bored answering questions like “what’s your name?”, “where are you from?”, and “what do you do?” ever again.

“Um, wait, so what do you do?”

• “I’m a member of Young Jeezy’s posse.”
• “I work as a blacksmith at Colonial Williamsburg”
• “I teach handicapped children how to fly kites”

Then you can ask what she does and she’ll go into her complete life story. Why? I have no idea.

End of Nerd Week: Nerd Girls

I know, I know, you wanted Dating Nerds 3.0: Making Him a Real Man. And maybe someday it will come out, who knows. But I’ve had enough of nerds for awhile. I mean, I had to enter the world of nerds to give the kind of quality scientific insight the public has come to expect here on DC Hero. I’m going to have to shake off this character acting before it sucks me in. This must be what Val Kilmer felt like after he filmed The Doors.

Anyway, I just wanted to touch on nerd chicks a little bit if you catch my double entendre. They’re quiet, complicated, and can be shockingly beautiful. This isn’t usually the case, but dammit, it is here. Anyway, let’s get away from the adjectives and into the nouns while we look into a case study of nerd hotness: Rachel Leigh Cook in the 2nd greatest movie of all time: She’s All That (1st is obviously Commando).
This movie was a remake of George Bernard Shaw’s ‘Pygmalion’, but it ends differently. The plot is thoughtfully subtle and complex, but really, really awesome. Freddie Prinze Jr. is the BMOC (I put in the link only so you can read the 3rd definition) in his Senior year at a California high school. He pretty much owns life, and the biggest decision he has to make is finding out how to tell his dad he doesn’t want to go to Dartmouth because the girls there are ugly and it’s too cold. His girlfriend leaves him for a reality TV reject (1999, waaaay ahead of it’s time here) and he makes a bet with his buddy Dean that he can get any girl to be the prom queen. Dean then makes the most inexplicable move in movie history by picking diamond-in-the-rough hottie Rachel Leigh Cook as Freddie’s target.

Even though Freddie knows it’s on as soon as he checks her out to confirm her hotness, he plays it up like he can’t do it when he’s talking to Dean. Dean is a total douchebag and buys it. Then, because he’s such a self-hating loser, Dean narcs on Freddie about the bet and takes Rachel to the prom (but she almost didn’t go, this was high drama).

When she dresses up for the prom, she now becomes hot to even the most stoned high schoolers in the audience (I wasn’t fooled, I knew she was hot the whole time). Dean thinks this is a sign that she’s dressing up to take his virginity, but he is mistaken. He apparently gets a rape alarm set off in his ear (why didn’t they show this) and meets up with Freddie, who probably impregnates her 3 or 4 times with fraternal triplets or quadruplets.

Bottom line messages from this movie:

1. Hot nerd chicks are the Holy Grail
2. Girls like Taylor Vaughn totally lose against nerd chicks
3. Usher is the greatest Prom DJ of all time

Put these glasses on sweetheart, trust me.

Dating Nerds 2.0: Hanging On

So let’s say you’ve conquered Dating Nerds 0.1 and Dating Nerds 1.0 and you’ve cornered an acceptable nerd into a relationship. First off, congratulations. Second off, how do you hang on to him without sacrificing any of your dignity? I mean, let’s be honest here: your new nerd squeeze isn’t exactly the social draw you’d expect from a new boyfriend.

The key here is that this new nerd squeeze is completely customizable. You have to tell him what to say, when to say it, and where to touch you. Oh shit, this is starting to feel like a Sex and the City episode. But whatever, fuck it. It’s probably the truth. The nerds I know are the only males willing to have their whole life changed at a woman’s will.

The final question is: are women really more likely to want to mold a nerd man into being the man they want him to be? Or would they rather latch on to a player who will leave them at a moment’s notice but who they may be able to ‘change’? If I’ve ever learned anything from girls, I’ve learned that they go for players regardless of what they do/say/think/masturbate about.

I’m pretty sure the reason for this is that girls fundamentally don’t trust the opposite sex. They’re skeptical. And I think this is with good reason, don’t get me wrong. But a guy who thinks that being a player will make girls trust him less? They’re just flat out wrong. Check it out man: girls will never trust you, you might as well play it like the cards are dealt to you.

But wait a minute, this post was supposed to be dedicated to the girls hanging on to Nerds they already picked up. Ok, here’s what you do:

1. Modify what he says in public, especially around your friends (you don’t need him embarrassing you)
2. Pretend like you’re interested in his nerd activities (this isn’t tough, he’ll be easily fooled)
3. Gradually (GRADUALLY) modify his wardrobe to be more fashionable
4. Make sex the #1 thing on his mind (or at least as high on his list as you can make it)
5. Get emotional with him earlier than normal (Nerds are suckers for chick-emotions)
6. Talk about his “traumatic” past (this will make him more committed to you)
7. Be absolutely relentless with sticking with him if he tries to break up with you. Remember, nerds have little to no confidence with women. Even though you are scoring big time, and you have the upper hand, he doesn’t know that.

Always remember, he thinks he needs you more than you need him. This isn’t true, but he doesn’t know that.

Dating Nerds 1.0: Meeting Nerds

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So let’s say you’ve read Dating Nerds 0.1, and you’ve decided you’re going to woman-up and date a nerd (or a geek, I’m really talking about both groups because they’re pretty much the same for our purposes). You are going to buck the trends and go against what is biologically natural in hopes of becoming a nerd queen. I say, good for you. One of the points I forgot to mention in the primer is how nerd’s friends aren’t assholes and will have a “wow, a girl” reaction to your presence thereby making you a nerd queen. Don’t get me wrong, this will require a little effort, a lot of patience, and a lot of molding (once you find your nerd target), but what girl doesn’t like a good challenge?

Now, the main problems you’ll encounter in your search for nerd love will be finding nerds (they NEVER go out), picking out the real nerds from the players who pretend to be nerds (this is becoming a great pickup tactic), and finding a nerd who is suitable boyfriend material (there is no hope for many nerds, and some of those who there is hope for have already been snatched up by nerd-mining hotties like yourself who will almost never lose their nerd to another nerd-miner because nerds are loyal to their girlfriends).

The good news is that there are more dateable nerds out there than any other man category. And if you’re comfortable with some of the negatives I discussed in Dating Nerds 0.1, you should be able to be happily with one in most North American cities.

Nerds almost never go out. They take pride in not going out. They buy everything online (including their groceries), they rarely exercise, and some nerds have embraced what is becoming very popular in the nerd universe: they brew their own beer. This allows them to accomplish two treasured nerd activities: not going out and arguing about what makes “the best” beer. Nerds love arguing about what “the best” of anything is, I covered that already.

So wait, if they don’t go out, how are you going to fill your nerd love cravings? As far as I can tell, nerds only go out regularly for one reason:

1. To eat (nerds will rarely cook)

Nerds have little to no culinary experience. Whenever I’ve eaten a meal prepared by a nerd, they have tried to follow a recipe to an absolute T, and usually fail because they don’t understand some fundamental part of cooking that isn’t in the recipe (pre-heating the oven, defrosting the meat, etc.). Therefore, they can be found at chain restaurants like Subway, Quiznos, or Applebee’s surprisingly often. And the key there is how they will frequent the same restaurant day after day (nerds love routines) so you can meet them back there after you find one the first time. It’s like clockwork.

Other than that, a nerd’s life is often consumed by video games, online forums, developing open source code, fantasy sports, watching strange and awful movies for often inexplicable reasons, building massive audio/video systems they don’t really need, singing songs from Monty Python, and watching anime pornography (which isn’t that bad, by the way).

Ok, now here’s a list of nerd activities where you can meet nerds to bang it out with. Note that this list isn’t like the list above because items on this list only apply to subsets of nerds:

1. Academic conferences (GREAT place to meet nerds)
2. RPG conventions (GenCon)
3. Trivia contests
4. Anything else you think is weird and stupid that has a lot of attendees

If you manage to meet a nerd, you will have to ask him out because he won’t make the first move. Make sure the date isn’t somewhere that’s too far out of his comfort zone, and you should hook him pretty easily. I think I’m going to continue this little series with Dating Nerds 2.0 later on, stay tuned.

Dating Nerds 0.1: A Primer

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Lately, I’ve been thinking about dating solutions for girls. After gathering a wide range of opinions, I’ve concluded two things:

1. Girls have high expectations and no patience
2. Feminine dating problems boil down to there not being enough “good men”

I started thinking about the second problem, and then I started thinking about how I disagree with it. And then it hit me. I know an inordinate number of nerds. And, aside from our 400 year supply of coal that we can hold the world hostage with after other energy sources run out, nerds are our most important natural resource. They are by far the most overlooked group of men. Let’s look at their pluses and minuses. As always, let’s make lists:

Nerds: Positives

1. Treat women like gold
2. Make a lot of money
3. Very dependable
4. Honest and nice
5. Wholesome

Nerds: Negatives

1. Treat women like gold
2. Scrawny or fat
3. Awkward in intimacy
4. Emotionally distant
5. Defensive and fragile

Wait a minute, this doesn’t look so good now. The positives look like the list of things women say they want, which they probably do. But due to their naturally high expectations, they aren’t willing to sacrifice and take the stuff on the negatives list for the pluses on the positive list. If this is true, which we can assume by looking at the lack of nerd mating success, a guy who: treats women like dirt, makes no money, is an irresponsible dirty liar, but has a great body, doesn’t get emotional or defensive, knows how to touch women and connects to them emotionally would have much more success. Uh oh, that sounds all too true.

This is pretty interesting. This scientific list shows how emotional strength and raw sexuality decidedly trump everything else on the list. I’m very disappointed with this, I really felt like I was onto something with the nerds. Girls will often say that they like the idea of nerdy guys because of the things on the positive list, but they can’t settle and take the negatives because of their greedy, self-serving, way too pretty nature.

But if you are willing to take the negatives with the positives, ladies, stay tuned for Dating Nerds 1.0: Meeting Nerds. This is the most important part of dating nerds because once you get one, he’s not going to go anywhere. This is going to be great.

Homework: read Slashdot (aka intro to Nerd World).

Note: The nerd at the top is Sergey Brin. *sigh*, you don’t know who Sergey Brin is? He co-founded Google, you might of heard of it. Anyway, he married nerd-miner Anne Wojcicki last May. No, this was not big news in the nerd community.

Wearing Everyday Clothes to the Gym

I mean, seriously, this is unacceptable behavior and I see it all the time. It’s always that guy who

1. Doesn’t work out that much
2. Makes it seem like he’s not working out that hard, even though he’s sucking wind

Take a hint, you don’t look cool wearing a polo shirt and shorts to workout in. The more I think about it, the less I get it. Do these guys even have t-shirts and mesh shorts? Does anyone not have a t-shirt and mesh shorts? I mean, what the fuck? Picture this going through your head before you put in a 15 minute workout (P.S. I am king of the 15 minute workout):

“You know what, these clothes are already dirty, I think I’ll just workout in them and then I won’t dirty 2 pairs of clothes in one day.”

Is it even that? Do they change into the shorts and polo? I seriously don’t get it. How does this happen? A commenter who can shed light on this subject wins 1 Commenter Point. As a matter of a fact, I’m starting a contest. Commenter Points (CPs) will be awarded for various things on DC Hero. The first person to amass 5 CPs will win something, I’m not sure what yet, but it will be something good.

One Man’s 6 is Another Man’s 8

The premise of this blog thought is based on the idea that a guy’s looks do matter, and how hot he thinks a girl is depends on how physically attractive he is. A guy thinks a girl is hot if she’s hotter than girls he can get without trying.

Every guy has a group of girls who, based on their looks, is below him. These are 5’s and below (on the 1-10 scale). Then there’s girls who are about as attractive as he is, these are 6’s and 7’s. 8’s are girls who are officially hot. They get a guys immediate and undivided attention. 9’s are girls who get a guys immediate, undivided, and lifetime-sustained attention. And, by now, everybody knows 10’s don’t exist.

My point is that the 1-10 scale isn’t as universal as I once thought. An ugly guy and a good looking guy might both agree that a girl is a 6, but the ugly guy will treat her like an 8 when they’re face to face because that’s what she is to him. The bottom line is every guy has their own rating system, and it’s relative to how physically attractive they are.

Note: Rachel McAdams is not a 6 or an 8 as the title suggests. She’s a 9.9. She’s also in DC until April 1, I’m currently stalking hunting her.

Getting Defensive: Part 2

I’ve been thinking about it for most of the last couple of hours, and I’m pretty sure now that getting defensive in the face of criticism is the worst way to go. It’s unclear to me whether crying is a better option. Probably not. Anyway, I’ve noticed that most people who are members of any arbitrary group get defensive when the group (it’s purpose or existence) gets criticized. The level of defense, something I’m going to measure in Fury Units (FUs), is directly and exponentially proportional to the amount of time and energy the person has spent becoming a member and staying a member of the group.

For the purposes of our scientific analysis, we’ll look at 3 groups who are representative of groups who get defensive when challenged in our society: Environmentalists, Religious Radicals, and Animal Rights Activists. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get started. Let’s kick things off.

The Environmentalists:

I mean, holy fuck do they get defensive. Environmentalists have a very strong self-image as people who do what’s best for nature, which is fine. I really like nature, it’s pretty and it smells nice, which is also a description of girls I like. However, if you can see through the recycling bins and marijuana smoke, you’ll see that most of them have other priorities. You probably heard about the front page story in the New York Times last year about how the #1 reason people bought a Toyota Prius was ‘It makes a statement about me’. Oh the vanity! And that’s only the tip of the melting iceberg.

If we take that one data point and extrapolate it to make a broad statement about environmentalists (which is sheer brilliance, by the way), we can see how this commitment of environmentalists to maintain a self-image of someone who is unselfish and unwasteful (not a word) directly leads to them being defensive. Saving the environment isn’t as important to environmentalists as proving that the rest of us gas-burning, fat-people-hating Americans are wrong. Most environmentalists live in cities and tell people in Alaska that they can’t dig for oil on their land. Most of these people will never go to Alaska, I don’t get it. But we’re not here to get emotional, we’re here to study this group scientifically. Let’s get to the conclusion.

Getting defensive is easier for environmentalists than admitting the contradiction that, by and large, they aren’t outdoors people. Defensive Intensity (1-10): 6 FUs.

The Religious Radicals:

Here’s a fun group. The only thing they have in common with each other is the idea that everybody else is wrong. And instead of it just being Team A vs Team B like the environmentalists, there’s like 20 different groups and they all get defensive when their beliefs get questioned. Personally, I think we should just have a beauty contest to settle who’s right. Wouldn’t God make the right people prettier?

To make things even better, there’s a whole separate group called Atheists who assert that all of these groups are fundamentally wrong, all the people in the groups are ignorant blind fools, and they go around spending time preaching this fact that everybody is wrong. I don’t get why they waste their time on something they think is irrelevant. What a happy world we live in.

As I’m sure you’ve seen, the actual beliefs of the religions involved often take a backseat to proving that one group is more right than another group. I don’t get it. Well, I guess it’s good if you like arguing. Let’s just get to the conclusion.

Religious Radicals get defensive because if other religions are right, it creates a huge contradiction, it means their religion is wrong, and it invalidates their belief structure. Defensive Units (1-10): 8 FUs.

The Animal Rights Activists:

Here’s another fun group. From what I can gather, the idea that animal suffering is equal in importance to human suffering is central to their argument. I hope the rescue personnel don’t feel that way if I get in a car crash and I have a dog in the car, and they have to choose between me and the dog to pull from the burning car.

But the rest of their ideas are like: instead of testing chemicals on animals, we should test them on homeless people instead. I can see that, that makes sense. And wearing fur? Yeah, I guess that does seem a little unnecessary unless you killed the animals yourself. Not eating meat? I don’t know, that seems a little shortsighted. Don’t those wheat and soy combines chop up animals when they harvest the crops? And animals eat each other every day, I don’t feel bad for them. I bet a lot of my ancestors got eaten by animals and they’d want me to get some revenge for them. In fact, I’m dedicating my next chicken sandwich to a bird flu victim. We can’t let those birds win!

And why so they get so defensive, so emotional about it (PETA does at least, but there are better run groups out there)? Because they feel that unless they change the minds of everyone else, their cause is meaningless. I guess that’s really at the center of getting defensive: you feel like you have to change other people’s minds. And that brings us to Hero Adage #2: Nobody gives a shit about your problems, get used to it. But back on the subject, the conclusion:

Animal Rights Activists get defensive because they know that getting everyone to accept their beliefs is literally impossible. When you combine that with the fact that their cause is questionably important at best when compared to other causes, they’re forced to accept the fact that they’ve wasted a large chunk of time and energy on this or they get defensive instead. That’s probably why PETA compares animal suffering to the Holocaust instead of admitting to themselves that the vast majority of people will never care. Defensive Intensity (1-10): 9.5 FUs (I know there has to be a 10 group out there).

 

Help Me Hero: Lost in RPM

In somewhat of a shocking move, someone actually e-mailed me for advice (helpmehero@gmail.com). While I can’t believe someone would ask me for advice, I feel compelled to dole it out. Here’s my best shot.

After reading your post about Relationship Practice Month it occurred to me, that I think I’m caught up in it myself. The sad part is, I’m the victim. We met on New Years and started dating subsequently. He also said that he was too busy at work to do anything for Valentine’s day. What should I do? Do I dare beat him at his own game, dump him before he can dump me, or can I get him committed to a real relationship?

Lost In RPM

Lost, the easy answer here is that he’s not that interested in you and you should break it off with him immediately. However, if you read this website enough to email me, I assume you’d be up for tryng to beat him at his own game. This is the fun route, assuming you have some time to waste (you’re under 30) and you’re willing to learn a little bit about what you’re made of.

The first thing you should do is to stop answering his phone calls and responding to his text messages in a 1-1 ratio. Let him try 2 or 3 times before getting back to him. However, when you do get back to him (after all, you are a busy girl) make sure you seem super interested.

In other words, minimize contact, but maximize shown interest. This will confuse him, which is your real goal in all of this. He won’t know what to do, he’ll take the easy route and try to commit to you, and you can decide what to do from there: stay with him, break up with him, or record his needy pleas and publicly embarrass or blackmail him. There’s nothing like a good blackmail.

Also, make sure you act really feminine and happy all the time. This will make him nervous about what you’re doing in the time you’re not contacting him. He’ll wonder what you could be so happy about when you’re not waiting for his phone calls. You will come across as independent, feminine, and interested in him. Don’t play passive aggressive and mention other guys either. Again, show interest when you’re around him, but don’t be at his call 24-7. Don’t cancel plans with him either, that’s passive aggressive.

I guess my advice revolves around these themes:

1. Show interest
2. Don’t seem desperate
3. Confuse him

This all might blow up in your face if you don’t beat him at his own game and he alpha’s up and cuts off contact with you. So if you’re not willing to risk that, just ditch him now. But I see this as your only shot for beating him at his own game and/or getting him to commit.