In somewhat of a shocking move, someone actually e-mailed me for advice (email@example.com). While I can’t believe someone would ask me for advice, I feel compelled to dole it out. Here’s my best shot.
After reading your post about Relationship Practice Month it occurred to me, that I think I’m caught up in it myself. The sad part is, I’m the victim. We met on New Years and started dating subsequently. He also said that he was too busy at work to do anything for Valentine’s day. What should I do? Do I dare beat him at his own game, dump him before he can dump me, or can I get him committed to a real relationship?
Lost In RPM
Lost, the easy answer here is that he’s not that interested in you and you should break it off with him immediately. However, if you read this website enough to email me, I assume you’d be up for tryng to beat him at his own game. This is the fun route, assuming you have some time to waste (you’re under 30) and you’re willing to learn a little bit about what you’re made of.
The first thing you should do is to stop answering his phone calls and responding to his text messages in a 1-1 ratio. Let him try 2 or 3 times before getting back to him. However, when you do get back to him (after all, you are a busy girl) make sure you seem super interested.
In other words, minimize contact, but maximize shown interest. This will confuse him, which is your real goal in all of this. He won’t know what to do, he’ll take the easy route and try to commit to you, and you can decide what to do from there: stay with him, break up with him, or record his needy pleas and publicly embarrass or blackmail him. There’s nothing like a good blackmail.
Also, make sure you act really feminine and happy all the time. This will make him nervous about what you’re doing in the time you’re not contacting him. He’ll wonder what you could be so happy about when you’re not waiting for his phone calls. You will come across as independent, feminine, and interested in him. Don’t play passive aggressive and mention other guys either. Again, show interest when you’re around him, but don’t be at his call 24-7. Don’t cancel plans with him either, that’s passive aggressive.
I guess my advice revolves around these themes:
- Show interest
- Don’t seem desperate
- Confuse him
This all might blow up in your face if you don’t beat him at his own game and he alpha’s up and cuts off contact with you. So if you’re not willing to risk that, just ditch him now. But I see this as your only shot for beating him at his own game and/or getting him to commit.