Tag Archives: relationships

The Anniversary

 

some emo anniversary shit

some emo anniversary shit

 

 

Anniversaries don’t exist unless you’re a total bitch and completely crumble during a DTR. For real though, when one of your buddies’ girlfriend is outwardly celebrating the 1 month, 3 month, 6 month, 1 year anniversary, call his bitch ass out on it. Be merciless, it’s for his own good. The first sign you’re in a bad relationship is the 1 month anniversary celebration. It shows you’re completely at her mercy, don’t let it happen to you.

Besides, if you’re playing it right she should be hesitant to celebrate an anniversary outwardly because it will just shove a reminder into your face of how long you’ve been together. Presumably this will make her afraid that this will cause you to break up with her. Ideally, the anniversary goes relatively unnoticed with the only sign of it being a subtle hinting at it on the girl’s part.

Remember, she doesn’t like you, she likes “us” (her and you), so an anniversary is a big deal. And, obviously, holidays aren’t anything but anniversaries shared between couples. So on both counts, it’s best to brush them off professionally like the shit tests they are. And if you can’t pass those shit tests, it’s time to take it back to the mattresses.

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under dating

Relationships, A Guy’s Perspective: Entering Relationships

 

*why define something thats pefect as it is?*

*why define something that's pefect as it is?*

 

 

They say that women think about marriage and men think about sex. But that’s bullshit. Successful women think about marriage and successful men think about sex. And there’s plenty of unsuccessful failures out there.

Depending on how you see it, relationships have gone light-years forward or backward in the last century. It used to be that men and women brought real skills to the table and married each other if those skills combined to achieve a survival rate of >75% for their offspring. You can see it in the American History Museum. Skills women brought to the table, like cooking, cleaning, and care-taking were actually skills that could mean the difference between life and death. Food poisoning, disease-ridden cloths, and deathly-ill children were all pitfalls of the man who chose beauty above a woman’s practical abilities. 

Of course, all of these responsibilities have been replaced, or at least diminished, by modern conveniences. First  slaves, then indentured servants, then machines came within the common man’s financial reach to offset the inabilities of his trophy wife so he didn’t have to play the mistress game that nobody wants to play. This led to a drastic reduction in a woman’s responsibilities which directly led to them having enough time to parade for suffrage, equal-rights, and equal-pay. It was great, in a sense, for women to become near-equals with men. But wait a second, if all of their responsibilities have been replaced by machines (add the Internet to that list) in the modern relationship, then we shouldn’t expect many men to line up at the chance to throw half of their earnings at them. 

Of course, this is exactly what we see. Women bring little to nothing (compared to what they used to bring) to a relationship outside of their wide degrees of sensuality (emotional and physical). So should a man get into a relationship? Or should he stop the car and unlock the doors when she asks for too much commitment? 

This decision is a complicated one that I consistently see being made incorrectly.Guys get into relationships they shouldn’t and guys stay out of relationships that would be good to them. At the root of each of these bad decisions is this ridiculous idea that marriage at the end of the relationship tunnel. Guys get into bad relationships because they see this as an opportunity at marriage they will not otherwise get. Guys stay out of good relationships because they see themselves as having many more moonlit adventures before they stand at the cold end of the aisle, watching their buddies sip whisky in the pews, and listening to their groomsmen plan their sexual conquests with the bridesmaids. 

This, as I will show, is a fundamental miscalculation. The “marriage factor” should not be taken into account when entering a relationship, whether that factor is positive or negative. In a modern relationship, you can leave to upgrade at literally any time. In fact, the modern man should view his “being in a relationship” as having little to no effect on his life. If there is any advantage gained by being in a relationship, he should take that immediate advantage and disregard any of the subsequent consequences of this new status that will immediately fill his thoughts. Likewise, if there is no immediate advantage to entering a relationship (these are the relationships guys should not be in), there is no reason to enter it (since opportunity of a single shot at marriage is not a valid reason). Let me clarify with some examples.

Example 1:

John has been sleeping around with the same 3 girls who don’t know each other for the last 4 months. All of them have been casually suggesting at “defining the relationship”, but John has expertly dodged these requests. As a result, the girls are becoming more lukewarm to him than they were before. One way to play this would be to fear the marriage factor and keep dodging relationship requests until it all fell apart and all 3 girls got tired of his shit. A better way to play this would be to get into a relationship with one of them, tell the other two, add in new recruits as they come, and break up with the first girl at the most opportune moment to leave the 2 girls left on the other side of the fence to throw themselves at him. The best part about this is how the first girl, the one you’re in a relationship with, doesn’t even have to exist. A relationship is the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal if he can use it effectively.

Example 2:

Joe has not had much luck with girls. He recently met a girl who’s OK, and immediately entered a relationship with her. In the back of his mind, he figures this if he ends up marrying her, it’s not so bad. She’d be a decent wife, so he’ll just move on towards marrying her unless something better comes along. But by taking the marriage factor into account when entering into the relationship, Joe has effectively removed any possibility of anything better coming along. Because now, breaking up with her without a fallback plan is not an option since that will remove his “worst case marriage scenario” from his playbook. She will instinctively sense this laziness and desperation, and push Joe into a deep, dark hole that he will never climb out of. All the while,  Joe is powerless to play the one card he should always be able to play: threatening to break up with her. The marriage factor has trapped him.

This is some new territory for this blog and it’s fun to write about. I’m going to keep writing some relationship topics like “The Anniversary”, “Meeting the Parents”, … there are a considerable number of topics on this. I have a good feeling about this.

10 Comments

Filed under dating

The Best Interracial Couples

With election season at hand and both sides telling us how bad America is, it’s time to look at something America kicks the rest of the world’s ass at: interracial dating. Of course, mixed-race superiority (Tiger Woods, Barack Obama, and half-Asian girls worldwide) is becoming more and more apparent and, unsurprisingly, interracial marriages are becoming more and more common (~5% of American marriages in the 2000 Census). Eventually, these two factors will lead to a worldwide mixing of races that will make the lines between them greyer and greyer until they are all more or less indistinguishable from one other. We can only stab a guess as to when this will happen. What we can do is celebrate the classic interracial couple parings that will sadly fade over the coming Millenia. I will rank the top 5 pairings in an order I will reveal at the end:

5. Black man and slightly overweight White woman

This is probably the stereotype of stereotypes for interracial dating. I predict that America’s obesity epidemic will peak at the same exact moment Mulatto conception peaks. After that peak, this pairing will disappear into the yearbooks of yesteryear.

4. Nerdish White man and slightly flat chested Asian woman

The portrayal of girls in Anime comics/movies/video-games sinlessly describes the perfect woman for this growing segment of men. A combination of not speaking English, looking 14 years old, and being the most unintimidating human beings in the world provide the perfect aphrodisiac for nerds. I keep staring at this picture because it’s so damn perfect. Her Asian excitement is tempered by his somewhat creepy and Nerdy relief, which is combined with just the right amount of clinginess. Truly a match made in heaven.

3. Demanding Arab man and submissive White woman

A relative newcomer to the party, this fast-growing phenomenon is growing as some women realize that they don’t want to be the head of the household and, instead, would like to be dominated. I wouldn’t have taken this seriously if I didn’t read about it in a dating forum (I can’t find the link!) and hear about it colloquially. Keep an eye on this one.

2. Redhead man/woman and Nobody

Contrary to urban legend, red hair isn’t going to be vanished from humanity any time soon. Those recessive genes have the awful habit of hiding themselves in people. But we can all agree, if you have red heads at the top of your list, you’re truly a sick fuck.

1. Cougars and young Latino men

I think the whole “pool boy banging the right housewife” stereotype is just a rationalization of Cougar-lust for the relentless Latino Heat. And let’s be honest here, the whole ‘Eva Longoria banging the gardener to cheat on her Latino husband’ plot on Desperate Housewives was nothing more than a clever way to reshape the reality of the legend. It’s obvious that Eva should be a wealthy, retired White model banging her Latino gardener. If girls out there already knew this, please let me know.

Oh, and the order from 1-5 goes: 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Thanks for playing.

21 Comments

Filed under dating

Girls and Their Powers

A long long time ago, women realized that their power peaked with their looks at around age 15 due to relatively poor nutrition. Of course 15 year old girls didn’t know what to do with this power, so life sucked for all of womankind. Later on, women realized that life didn’t have to be this way and they shrewdly invented an institution that allowed them to gain power as they got older. This institution is commonly known as the relationship.

A man reaches peak power in a relationship 15 minutes after the first time they have sex. As the relationship continues, women gradually take back all of their pre-sex power (and then some). This continues to the point where 90% of all divorces amongst college-educated couples are initiated by women*. It should also be noted that the divorce rate for college-educated couples is half the rate of non-college educated couples (40% vs 20%). In looking at the data, it seems like non-college educated couples and marriages in Nevada are skewing the normal divorce rates, but that’s another point.

The point here is that women gain an incredible amount of power by being in a long term relationship. After having this power, they can decide to get a divorce and take half of everything with them. DAMN. It’s like a team of women’s rights hookers have been banging Supreme Court Justices for the last 40 years. Modern day women are making ancient women proud.

The real question is, how does this happen? I’m pretty sure it starts when she starts sleeping over at your place and wearing your clothes in the morning, attempting to wear the ‘pants’ in your house. Then she starts cleaning your place and feeding you, which should trigger alarm bells because you’re being treated like a pig getting prepped for the slaughter block. But the pig never suspects a damn thing. There’s not a pig in recorded history who saw it coming, and the guy never does either. He just keeps eating cheeseburgers, watching football, and reading quasi-homo “men’s” magazines as he convinces himself that his relationship doesn’t reduce his manliness and desirability to other girls. Then one day she’s gone and he’s staring at his huge gut asking himself that rhetorical question: What happened?

I think the average relationship goes something like this:

Relationship Event

Man Power Units

Girl Power Units

After First Meet

25

75

After First Date

20

80

After Second Date

45

55

After Third Date

85

15

After First Sex

100

0

After 1 Month of Exclusivity

95

5

3 Months

90

10

He says “I love you”

30

70

Engagement

30

70

After Marriage

5

95

After Divorce

-100

200

Any guy who asks what the difference will be “when we get married” should take a look at this handy pocket chart to realize that he’s right, he’s already fucked. And to avoid the -100 after a divorce, it’s probably best to hire a professional wife-banger (me and some guys I know who are pretty good as these kinds of things will do it for free as a competition between us) to bang their wife and gather evidence for her infidelities that will be financially priceless in divorce court. If I’m the first guy that’s thought of this then it’s official, I really am smarter than everyone.

* – Brinig, Margaret; Douglas W. Allen (2000). “These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women”. American Law and Economics Review 2 (1): 126–129.

8 Comments

Filed under dating

The FriendGirlPair Hypothesis

You might guess from the clever disfigure of the term ‘girlfriend’ that this hypothesis has something to do with how two girls can bend the dimensions of space-time to become the optimal singular girlfriend. The job has just become too time consuming for one modern girl to handle between her facebook networking, her man-hating, and her career goals. Let me explain:

  • girlfriend defines a female who’s a smokeshow and a friend. The hot girl is needed for general bedroom mischief while the friend is needed for spiritual guidance. The truth of the last sentence is at the crux of the theory.
  • FriendGirlPair (FGP) encapsulates these same entities (girl and friend), but they are two distinct girls. The friend is more than just a regular friend, she is a friendgirl. However you do not lust after her in any way because you have a revolving door of girls who fulfill you’re manly needs and complete the pair.

The hypothesis is that a FGP is superior to the girlfriend in all measurable ways, which we’ll sum together to create a value. If we look at the two parts of the girlfriend, we see that the value of the girl entity decreases with time (mainly due to manly lust for variety) and the value of the friend entity increases with time (mainly due to the characteristics of human bonding):

If we look at the two entities of the FGP, we see that the value of the friendgirl also increases with time, but the value of the replaceable bimbo-slut girls remains at a steady high value. The total value is higher at every step in time when compared to the girlfriend competitor:

Of course the key to the whole thing is picking the right friendgirl. She will have to be proud of your conquests, aid in increasing the jealousy of a bimbo-slut prospect, and you must be sure she will never want a real relationship out of you. So she will need to be a girl who respects you, who is willing to be somewhat of a trader to her own gender, and who is completely unattracted to you. The contradiction is pretty thick, so you wouldn’t expect these girls to exist. But honestly, I’ve never had too much trouble finding one.

Conclusion: The situation is a nice ideal, but ultimately the man or the friendgirl will want more. Hypothesis fail. Sorry to have wasted your time.

1 Comment

Filed under Science

Women are Dogs

I was wandering around a bookstore the other day when I stumbled upon (sidenote: stumbleupon.com is awesome) this book: Men are Dogs. It seems to me that it’s generally accepted that men are like dogs and women are like cats. After all, women own most of the cats and men (or families led by men) own most of the dogs. At least in our culture. I never understood why people felt like this because to me it seemed blatantly obvious that women are like dogs and men are like cats. Men own dogs to serve as a replacement for a girlfriend and women own cats to replace a man. It couldn’t be more clear to me. Let’s make 2 lists:

Why Dogs are like Women

  1. Dogs are attention whores who need constant attention and love to feel complete
  2. Many dogs (bigger dogs) are good with children. I would never leave a cat alone with a toddler.
  3. Dogs need to be touched, petted, and rubbed to feel good.
  4. A Dog’s emotions change by the second and go to the extremes of the emotional spectrum
  5. Dogs hate being alone.
  6. Dogs are foolish, easily tricked creatures.

Why Cats are like Men

  1. Cats are solitary hunters
  2. Cats don’t like attention from strangers, they will be openly hostile towards many strangers
  3. Cats will often wander around, only coming back for food and shelter
  4. Cats will attack men sleeping with their owners
  5. Cats take a generally apathetic and unemotional view on most things. I like some cats because it’s obvious they just don’t give a fuck.

I think this is pretty spot-on because I mean, why don’t women without men get dogs instead of cats? I know some of them do, but you always hear about “the cat lady” and all that jazz. You’d think women would gravitate towards dogs because of the attention and affection they could trade with it. But women go for cats instead, because they like working hard for it. Cats emulate men in this respect.

Also, women can’t control dogs. Dogs just don’t listen to women, they listen to men. Whenever I see a dog pulling it’s owner when they take it for a walk, it’s always a woman or a metrosexual that the dog is dragging. These are basically the same individuals who can’t control women. You ever see the Dog Whisperer? I bet Cesar Milan gets TONS of ass.

15 Comments

Filed under dating

The/My Perfect Woman

DC Hero To The Rescue

↑ Grab this Headline Animator

This is part 4 of a 5 part series on The Perfect Woman. In this series, there are 5 different bloggers who give their own thoughts on the subject. Check out Roissy with Part 1, VK with Part 2, and T with Part 3. Blogger and author of one of my favorite books (Bang, a field guide on picking up and putting down chicks), Roosh, will be nightcapping this series tomorrow. Let’s get to this shit already.

To me, ‘The Perfect Woman’ is too vague. I’d like to define it, then work from there. ‘The Perfect Woman’ is who I would like to spend a month with crusing the Mediterranean on my private yacht. What kind of things would I do with a woman who filled those shoes? We would feed each other grapes. She would sing timeless French love songs. And I would write her sestinas as I watched her flutter off to sleep underneath a perfect backdrop of a sunset crawling on the small waves.

On second thought, I’d rather spend the month with exactly 3 women. This is because the 3 Woman Formula (3WF) has been propagated by two social giants of my lifetime: Jay-Z and Hugh Hefner. I think they know what they’re doing. To quoth the Jigga Man:

“I got a main chick, a mistress/and a young bitch, forget it/I’m the don”

Undoubtedly, Hef was bumping “Snoopy Track” in the Phantom one night, and decided: “You know what, I’m tired of aimlessly banging all these playmates. I’m following Hov.” And Holly (main chick), Bridget (mistress), and Kendra (young chick) became the Girls Next Door. Also, 3WF took a step from Black Pimpin’ to White Pimpin’, bringing it a step closer to mainstream acceptance as the optimal relationship model. Let’s explore what traits each female brings to the table:

  • The Main Chick – Independent, Intelligent, Confident, Beautiful. This is the woman you rely on day in and day out. The mother of your children.
  • The Mistress – Dependent, Anxiety Issues, Unbelievable in Bed, Hot. This is the woman who builds up your ego. Hopefully not the mother of one of your mistakes.
  • The Young Chick – Piping Hot, Smoking Hot, Arm Candy, Piping Hot. This girl will keep your sex drive in this group of 3. You won’t cheat with a girl worse looking than one you already have in your stable. You know, assuming she’s always nearby.

This would be the perfect trio for the yacht. In an optimal ‘real life’ application of this incredible relationship strategy, you would

  • Keep the Main Chick forever
  • Get a new Mistress every 2 years
  • Get a new Young Chick every year.

If I had this setup, I would be completely happy, and the relationship would be as perfect as possible. And if you think this would suck for the Mistress and the Young Chick, you’re wrong. They’re Main Chicks in training like every other single woman on this planet. Only they get a learning experience that amounts to an Apprenticeship. Everybody wins.

Unfortunately, this model hasn’t been accepted by society yet. Which is a shame. So, in order to avoid a cop-out on this topic, I need to say that the ‘Perfect Woman’ would combine all of the traits above. She’d have ageless beauty and the essence of youth. Lady in the street, freak in the sheets, blah, blah, blah.

You know what? The perfect woman would be the Main Chick I described, and she’d be able to deal with the Mistress and Young Chick infidelities. She’d Vanessa-Bryant-up and get over it when a bigger rock found it’s way to her left hand.

But most importantly, the Perfect Woman would be the most feminine woman. In fact, if they had a Worldwide Femininity Contest, and they judged things like: throwing like a girl, emotional response to ‘the Notebook’, and caring for sick babies, I bet the winner of that contest would be more attractive to me than the Miss Universe winner.

Even more important would be how to treat this woman, which deserves space in it’s own right. ‘How to Treat the Perfect Woman’. That’s definitely not as straightforward of a topic as it might seem to some of you.

33 Comments

Filed under Life