The/My Perfect Woman

DC Hero To The Rescue

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This is part 4 of a 5 part series on The Perfect Woman. In this series, there are 5 different bloggers who give their own thoughts on the subject. Check out Roissy with Part 1, VK with Part 2, and T with Part 3. Blogger and author of one of my favorite books (Bang, a field guide on picking up and putting down chicks), Roosh, will be nightcapping this series tomorrow. Let’s get to this shit already.

To me, ‘The Perfect Woman’ is too vague. I’d like to define it, then work from there. ‘The Perfect Woman’ is who I would like to spend a month with crusing the Mediterranean on my private yacht. What kind of things would I do with a woman who filled those shoes? We would feed each other grapes. She would sing timeless French love songs. And I would write her sestinas as I watched her flutter off to sleep underneath a perfect backdrop of a sunset crawling on the small waves.

On second thought, I’d rather spend the month with exactly 3 women. This is because the 3 Woman Formula (3WF) has been propagated by two social giants of my lifetime: Jay-Z and Hugh Hefner. I think they know what they’re doing. To quoth the Jigga Man:

“I got a main chick, a mistress/and a young bitch, forget it/I’m the don”

Undoubtedly, Hef was bumping “Snoopy Track” in the Phantom one night, and decided: “You know what, I’m tired of aimlessly banging all these playmates. I’m following Hov.” And Holly (main chick), Bridget (mistress), and Kendra (young chick) became the Girls Next Door. Also, 3WF took a step from Black Pimpin’ to White Pimpin’, bringing it a step closer to mainstream acceptance as the optimal relationship model. Let’s explore what traits each female brings to the table:

  • The Main Chick – Independent, Intelligent, Confident, Beautiful. This is the woman you rely on day in and day out. The mother of your children.
  • The Mistress – Dependent, Anxiety Issues, Unbelievable in Bed, Hot. This is the woman who builds up your ego. Hopefully not the mother of one of your mistakes.
  • The Young Chick – Piping Hot, Smoking Hot, Arm Candy, Piping Hot. This girl will keep your sex drive in this group of 3. You won’t cheat with a girl worse looking than one you already have in your stable. You know, assuming she’s always nearby.

This would be the perfect trio for the yacht. In an optimal ‘real life’ application of this incredible relationship strategy, you would

  • Keep the Main Chick forever
  • Get a new Mistress every 2 years
  • Get a new Young Chick every year.

If I had this setup, I would be completely happy, and the relationship would be as perfect as possible. And if you think this would suck for the Mistress and the Young Chick, you’re wrong. They’re Main Chicks in training like every other single woman on this planet. Only they get a learning experience that amounts to an Apprenticeship. Everybody wins.

Unfortunately, this model hasn’t been accepted by society yet. Which is a shame. So, in order to avoid a cop-out on this topic, I need to say that the ‘Perfect Woman’ would combine all of the traits above. She’d have ageless beauty and the essence of youth. Lady in the street, freak in the sheets, blah, blah, blah.

You know what? The perfect woman would be the Main Chick I described, and she’d be able to deal with the Mistress and Young Chick infidelities. She’d Vanessa-Bryant-up and get over it when a bigger rock found it’s way to her left hand.

But most importantly, the Perfect Woman would be the most feminine woman. In fact, if they had a Worldwide Femininity Contest, and they judged things like: throwing like a girl, emotional response to ‘the Notebook’, and caring for sick babies, I bet the winner of that contest would be more attractive to me than the Miss Universe winner.

Even more important would be how to treat this woman, which deserves space in it’s own right. ‘How to Treat the Perfect Woman’. That’s definitely not as straightforward of a topic as it might seem to some of you.

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33 Comments

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33 responses to “The/My Perfect Woman

  1. Pingback: Smoking » The/My Perfect Woman

  2. throwing a spiral football should automatically disqualify you

  3. mike says

    aaaaand ball dropped.

  4. ava, i totally agree. unless it’s a vortex.

    and oh shit, i got a hater! I never thought i’d get this far in the blogging world when i started this 3 months ago. mike, you earned yourself a commenter point.

  5. Lady in the streets and freak in the sheets!

  6. mike says

    No hating, homie, just voicing an opinion. I appreciate that you tried to do something different with it in light of the home runs that the others have hit so far, though.

  7. T.

    Actually, I’d love if the 3 chick model was accepted by society if I was rich and powerful, but since I’m not I’d hate it. Imagine if 3 chicks at a time was accepted by society, bro? Every celeb, politician and rich guy would get their 3 chicks and leave the rest of us assed out!! One of those ideas that sounds good on paper, but if it got widespread acceptance we’d be left banging the dregs of society. Just one more way to screw the middle-class guy.

  8. what the hell is a vortex? (since i don’t know i take it that i pass this test)

  9. T, I guess I haven’t thought of this before, but do only the rich and powerful guys have mistresses and young chicks? They’re certainly the ones who get the press for it. Maybe nobody knows the answer to that for sure.

    mike, don’t ruin my fantasy. I need haters.

  10. A vortex is a football with the tail on the end of it. even Asian girls can throw those for spirals, since Asians probably invented them

  11. T.

    Hero, it’s not only rich and powerful guys who have mistresses and young chicks, but that’s only because we live in a predominately monogamous world. And rich guys have a lot more to lose when it comes to cheating thanks to alimony and divorce laws, which keeps many of them in check. Since all the rich and powerful guys aren’t hoarding all the ass they could be hoarding, that helps a lot of regular guys and allows some of them to enjoy polygamy as well. However if society gave all the rich and powerful people a free pass to openly have three chicks with no social or legal repercussions, they’d start hoarding all the best tail. The regular guy would have a way harder time.

  12. when throwing a football, most girls including myselfm, throw it like a knunkleball…you don’t know where that thing is going

  13. Nikita

    seriously, great idea! if i could have three dicks for the rest of my life (the steady companion, the redhot alpha, and the young buck), i would have much less of a problem with “monogamy.”

  14. Nikita,

    You want to have three dicks, ok there are trannys and then there is that. You’re always going for two upping.

    DC hero,

    I think it’s a great idea in theory but three women to me sounds like three headaches. Haven’t you ever seen Big Love?

  15. Point taken, T. But think of all the girls we could import into this country if we could offer them greencards. The beautiful girls from the 3rd world would come here in droves to be 2nd or 3rd in an average man’s harem. Americaaaa, fuck yeah.

    VK, in my personal experience I found that the young chick reduces the headaches substantially. Whenever a girl i’ve been with has had to compete with a younger girl, she’s always put the drama on hold and stepped up the sluttiness. Girls in their early 30’s living in dc do this too. I mean, that’s what i heard at least

  16. roissy

    nikita – i’m tri-donged. problem solved!

    dchero – you’re onto something when you say that the perfect woman would be OK with the man having a mistress. so many marriages would stay happy if the wife understood that a little plaything on the side is just that.

  17. Hope

    I think it’s a great idea in theory but three women to me sounds like three headaches.

    That’s the (real) explanation my husband gave when I asked him why he doesn’t stray. During a conversation in which I told him I’d be okay with it if he strayed, since he is okay with it if I strayed, he said he has no urge to, because I satisfy him intellectually, sexually and emotionally, and he doesn’t want to risk losing me. Then he clarified that other women are too much trouble and the more women, the more pains in the ass.

  18. roissy

    Then he clarified that other women are too much trouble and the more women, the more pains in the ass.

    sour grapes.

  19. T.

    Point taken, T. But think of all the girls we could import into this country if we could offer them greencards. The beautiful girls from the 3rd world would come here in droves to be 2nd or 3rd in an average man’s harem. Americaaaa, fuck yeah

    Awesome point. If they introduced your ideal society combined with more lax immigration laws, it would indeed be perfect.

  20. IDicky

    “T.” has great point. Its great to fantasize about socially acceptable, legalized polygamy but in reality, it would probably suck. As always in the mating game, you would have winners and lossers. The biggest winners would be rich guys who would bogart most of the hot women leaving a bunch of single, sexually frustated young men. You think the US is a violent country now?! The stuffs already happens in a lot of muslim countries. Maybe thats why they produce so many suicide bombers?
    P.S.
    The Blueprint
    Michelle Obama=main chick
    Obama girl=mistress
    JoJo=young chick

  21. IDicky

    Sorry, Jojo=jailbait in a lot of states but you all get the point.

  22. Frankie

    Men are frustrated because there are about as many women on the planet as there are penises. In my opinion there are far too many penises (and all penises are obsessively and thus pathetically competing). I can think of no thing any man could do for me – as a man – to make my life more fulfilling than it already is. Your ‘service’ is not needed. Think about that. I am my own best lover. There is only one thing men have got that I don’t, and you will probably understand that I am much, much better off without it.

    Poor felllows.

  23. Pingback: A Quietly Powerful Man Of Ice « Nothing You Confess Could Make Me Love You Less

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    ahhhh saliah, kahtah kameenah, fisha!!

  25. hollabillz

    warning warning, lesbo alert.. frankie, please take your penis envy and hairy armpits elsewhere! 😀

  26. Ex-Wife

    I’m mad as fucking hell that I didn’t read this before March 19,2008 when I put my husband out. After 18 years. We’d been together since 13 and 15. Fuck.

  27. Pingback: The Perfect Wife « Misadventures of Vincent Ignatius

  28. Pingback: Ideal woman and the one-itis problem | veskrashensjourney

  29. Wow, wonderful blog structure! How long have you ever been running a blog for? you made blogging look easy. The total look of your site is magnificent, as neatly as the content material!

  30. masta-beta

    I don’t understand why you don’t just pursue the 3 woman ideal you espouse. Blaming society is a cop out. Men have had mistresses for most/all? of history. Blaming society for denying you something you want, something that already exists, means the reason you can’t (i.e. won’t) achieve this, is…you.

    Seriously. It’s not like you’re kidnapping and forcibly detaining these women, right? These women are with you, because they want to be with you. And you’re not breaking any laws, right? It’s a thing. It exists. It’s called polymory in one form.

    Faulting “society!” for your inability to achieve your ideal sounds very…beta. You can have it, it exists, but you probably never will , as long as you blame “society!”

  31. masta-beta

    thinking a little bit more on these “perfect women” posts, I’m struck by how much the women are required to reinforce the writers’ self-identity. Some of you *explicitly* state the woman should support your ego.

    I’m just paraphrasing someone else here–this is not my own thinking–but these women are not characters in your movie. These are actual human beings. But you don’t see them that way. And the moment these women fail to properly support you self-image and your ego,–the moment these women step out of character…..

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