Women are Dogs

I was wandering around a bookstore the other day when I stumbled upon (sidenote: stumbleupon.com is awesome) this book: Men are Dogs. It seems to me that it’s generally accepted that men are like dogs and women are like cats. After all, women own most of the cats and men (or families led by men) own most of the dogs. At least in our culture. I never understood why people felt like this because to me it seemed blatantly obvious that women are like dogs and men are like cats. Men own dogs to serve as a replacement for a girlfriend and women own cats to replace a man. It couldn’t be more clear to me. Let’s make 2 lists:

Why Dogs are like Women

1. Dogs are attention whores who need constant attention and love to feel complete
2. Many dogs (bigger dogs) are good with children. I would never leave a cat alone with a toddler.
3. Dogs need to be touched, petted, and rubbed to feel good.
4. A Dog’s emotions change by the second and go to the extremes of the emotional spectrum
5. Dogs hate being alone.
6. Dogs are foolish, easily tricked creatures.

Why Cats are like Men

1. Cats are solitary hunters
2. Cats don’t like attention from strangers, they will be openly hostile towards many strangers
3. Cats will often wander around, only coming back for food and shelter
4. Cats will attack men sleeping with their owners
5. Cats take a generally apathetic and unemotional view on most things. I like some cats because it’s obvious they just don’t give a fuck.

I think this is pretty spot-on because I mean, why don’t women without men get dogs instead of cats? I know some of them do, but you always hear about “the cat lady” and all that jazz. You’d think women would gravitate towards dogs because of the attention and affection they could trade with it. But women go for cats instead, because they like working hard for it. Cats emulate men in this respect.

Also, women can’t control dogs. Dogs just don’t listen to women, they listen to men. Whenever I see a dog pulling it’s owner when they take it for a walk, it’s always a woman or a metrosexual that the dog is dragging. These are basically the same individuals who can’t control women. You ever see the Dog Whisperer? I bet Cesar Milan gets TONS of ass.