Women are Dogs

I was wandering around a bookstore the other day when I stumbled upon (sidenote: stumbleupon.com is awesome) this book: Men are Dogs. It seems to me that it’s generally accepted that men are like dogs and women are like cats. After all, women own most of the cats and men (or families led by men) own most of the dogs. At least in our culture. I never understood why people felt like this because to me it seemed blatantly obvious that women are like dogs and men are like cats. Men own dogs to serve as a replacement for a girlfriend and women own cats to replace a man. It couldn’t be more clear to me. Let’s make 2 lists:

Why Dogs are like Women

  1. Dogs are attention whores who need constant attention and love to feel complete
  2. Many dogs (bigger dogs) are good with children. I would never leave a cat alone with a toddler.
  3. Dogs need to be touched, petted, and rubbed to feel good.
  4. A Dog’s emotions change by the second and go to the extremes of the emotional spectrum
  5. Dogs hate being alone.
  6. Dogs are foolish, easily tricked creatures.

Why Cats are like Men

  1. Cats are solitary hunters
  2. Cats don’t like attention from strangers, they will be openly hostile towards many strangers
  3. Cats will often wander around, only coming back for food and shelter
  4. Cats will attack men sleeping with their owners
  5. Cats take a generally apathetic and unemotional view on most things. I like some cats because it’s obvious they just don’t give a fuck.

I think this is pretty spot-on because I mean, why don’t women without men get dogs instead of cats? I know some of them do, but you always hear about “the cat lady” and all that jazz. You’d think women would gravitate towards dogs because of the attention and affection they could trade with it. But women go for cats instead, because they like working hard for it. Cats emulate men in this respect.

Also, women can’t control dogs. Dogs just don’t listen to women, they listen to men. Whenever I see a dog pulling it’s owner when they take it for a walk, it’s always a woman or a metrosexual that the dog is dragging. These are basically the same individuals who can’t control women. You ever see the Dog Whisperer? I bet Cesar Milan gets TONS of ass.



Filed under dating

15 responses to “Women are Dogs

  1. cats only find you when they want something, otherwise they hide under furniture. they also like to feel strong and brave like most men, so they kill smaller animals like mice and bring them to you to prove it.

  2. Me

    If I hate my cat does that make me a lesbian? Unshocking…

  3. RT

    If I hate my cat and want to get a dog so it’ll beat it up, does that make me a man abuser?

  4. they also like to feel strong and brave like most men, so they kill smaller animals like mice and bring them to you to prove it.

    hahahaha, is the man equivalent to this opening a jar and handing it back to you with a satisfied exhale? You earned a Commenter Point.

  5. Hope

    Truth is, we women are not nearly as loyal as dogs. We are fickle and will settle for attention from anyone. If women were really like dogs men would have a lot less complaints!

    I think something about cats really makes them appeal to nerds. The lolcat pictures with captions are really popular, but I can’t really think of many loldog websites.

    I think deep down men like women that aren’t total doormats either — you know, the ones who aren’t all clingy, are a little bit aloof and independent, like cats. Oh and bonus if they do really cute things sometimes.

  6. T.

    Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant.

    Good job.

  7. dimwit

    wow. great twist on an old idea we simply take forgranted. i want to share this with everyone i know.

  8. IDicky

    Love this post. Never thought of it this way. I always assumed that if men are dogs, then there must be plenty of bitches to lie with them.

  9. Hope, come on now. Women and dogs both settle for attention from anyone. They will both be kind of loyal…but stray for some extra attention at a moments notice.

  10. Pingback: Mental Models: How To Be Treated Like a Princess « That’s My Prerogative

  11. Scott Sleek

    So if men and cats are similar, does this mean we shouldn’t take offense when someone calls us a pussy?

  12. Frankie

    This is not clever.

    The core difference between cats and dogs is their social attitude: man have an hierarchic attitude, women an equality-attitude.

    It may look as if men are solitair and not dependent on the opinions of others and if women are dependent and competitive. Dig a little deeper and you’ll see that 1. no person can ever be fully independent on others, 2. women are drenched in this knowlegde while men constantly try to rise above others in one way or the other, 3. women have been and still are suppressed and brainwashed by a society that is based on male competitive attitude and individualism, which forces also women to compete with each other, 4. this is so because when you have two persons, one of which thinks hierarchically (you have to be either a master or a slave) and the other thinks in terms of equality, somebody necessarily has to win here. The equal thinker has no choice of not-competing. She may win. But she doesn’t like winning. She may lose, most likely when she is under physical, economic, emotional or intellectual force. But that means that she likes losing either.

    No matter if a woman beats or is beaten by a man, in whatever field, she will hate him for it.

    Dogs have this typically male “master-slave attitude”. Dogs rather lose than be equal. They cannot live with equality.

  13. Frankie

    Correction: But that does not mean she likes losing either.

  14. Hell yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. Let’s get to catting around gents.

  15. Frankie

    women have been and still are suppressed and brainwashed by a society that is based on male competitive attitude and individualism, which forces also women to compete with each other

    Far from it. It is feminism that taught women they need to compete with men on their own terms, and men that they were wrong for being men. This is hogwash and the (more traditional) societies that don’t try and brainwash men and women into thinking they are identical still have successful marriages and families. Trying to ideologically contravene biology is folly.

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