Girls and Their Powers

A long long time ago, women realized that their power peaked with their looks at around age 15 due to relatively poor nutrition. Of course 15 year old girls didn’t know what to do with this power, so life sucked for all of womankind. Later on, women realized that life didn’t have to be this way and they shrewdly invented an institution that allowed them to gain power as they got older. This institution is commonly known as the relationship.

A man reaches peak power in a relationship 15 minutes after the first time they have sex. As the relationship continues, women gradually take back all of their pre-sex power (and then some). This continues to the point where 90% of all divorces amongst college-educated couples are initiated by women*. It should also be noted that the divorce rate for college-educated couples is half the rate of non-college educated couples (40% vs 20%). In looking at the data, it seems like non-college educated couples and marriages in Nevada are skewing the normal divorce rates, but that’s another point.

The point here is that women gain an incredible amount of power by being in a long term relationship. After having this power, they can decide to get a divorce and take half of everything with them. DAMN. It’s like a team of women’s rights hookers have been banging Supreme Court Justices for the last 40 years. Modern day women are making ancient women proud.

The real question is, how does this happen? I’m pretty sure it starts when she starts sleeping over at your place and wearing your clothes in the morning, attempting to wear the ‘pants’ in your house. Then she starts cleaning your place and feeding you, which should trigger alarm bells because you’re being treated like a pig getting prepped for the slaughter block. But the pig never suspects a damn thing. There’s not a pig in recorded history who saw it coming, and the guy never does either. He just keeps eating cheeseburgers, watching football, and reading quasi-homo “men’s” magazines as he convinces himself that his relationship doesn’t reduce his manliness and desirability to other girls. Then one day she’s gone and he’s staring at his huge gut asking himself that rhetorical question: What happened?

I think the average relationship goes something like this:

Relationship Event

Man Power Units

Girl Power Units

After First Meet

25

75

After First Date

20

80

After Second Date

45

55

After Third Date

85

15

After First Sex

100

0

After 1 Month of Exclusivity

95

5

3 Months

90

10

He says “I love you”

30

70

Engagement

30

70

After Marriage

5

95

After Divorce

-100

200

Any guy who asks what the difference will be “when we get married” should take a look at this handy pocket chart to realize that he’s right, he’s already fucked. And to avoid the -100 after a divorce, it’s probably best to hire a professional wife-banger (me and some guys I know who are pretty good as these kinds of things will do it for free as a competition between us) to bang their wife and gather evidence for her infidelities that will be financially priceless in divorce court. If I’m the first guy that’s thought of this then it’s official, I really am smarter than everyone.

* – Brinig, Margaret; Douglas W. Allen (2000). “These Boots Are Made for Walking: Why Most Divorce Filers are Women”. American Law and Economics Review 2 (1): 126ā€“129.

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8 Comments

Filed under dating

8 responses to “Girls and Their Powers

  1. Bravo once again hero. Very insightful graph.

    Also, if you’re looking to start a business (perhaps named “Wife Bangers”) then let me know. I need some side income.

  2. It would need a much more covert name, something like “The Divorce Consultants”. If we got in bed with the divorce lawyers (literally) then they could probably just recommend us to their clients. Is paying somebody to get your wife to cheat on you for divorce reasons some kind of fraud?

  3. Ava V.

    why not just get a good lawyer to write up a prenup? if i ever get a divorce, he’s not getting a single cent, even if all i have is $1.98 to my name.

  4. Kasey

    This applies mostly to Betas, and is mostly bullshit. Any alpha will know how to keep the 100 points to his side. There are various ways of doing it — ie keep your stuff in your own name. If it comes to proceedings, you can get so much hearsay in under Rule 801(d)(2) or admission against interest. If you’re really good, nobody (not even your family) wants to fuck around with you.

  5. Yeah, you must have missed the sentence right before the chart that says “the average relationship goes something like this”. I guess writing is the new reading. And all alpha all the time? Is that what everybody agrees on now as a player strategy? Man that completely denies the androgynous part of it.

    But still man, I can’t see how you don’t lose power by getting married, regardless of who you are. I just can’t see it.

  6. Jen

    Just broke up with an asshole of Tucker Max stature. Deserved the aggravation, but still. I like these stats. A lot. They work for me.

  7. I never dated the same guy more than once. Because within the first hour I realized – again – that men are simply not desirable to me. There is not a thing they can do for me.

    All my dates hate my guts.

    šŸ™‚

  8. unicorns

    back in the day, when divorce was rare, Durkheim did his study on suicide, so it turned out that suicide rates among married men are lower than the ones among unmarried men while with women it’s an opposite trend. could that be why it’s mostly women who initiate divorce – it’s because they tend to be less happy in marriages? this point could probably be argued because the power balance between genders in society has changed to some extent but i believe there’s still an amount of patriarchy left which might the reason of the unhappy female. it’s just that they have the means to divorce and survive without the help of a provider-male now.

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