A moistie is a word me and my friends used to throw around (we still use it all the time) when we were like 19-21 to describe 16-18 year old girls who would stop at nothing to get our attention. They always moved in a pack, and it was really fascinating to watch how much effort they put in to get us to like them. It was even more fascinating to watch how the older girls would step up the sluttiness to compete with the moisties. They figured they had more sex appeal than the moisties, and they were right, they did. That’s when I learned that experience mattered for a girl. You’d just be sitting there with a moistie like “man this girl is hot, I wish she knew what she was doing.”
4 of us out of the 5 who lived in that party house had girlfriends at the time, but all 5 of us had a moistie. Looking back on it now, it was more probably more surprising to us than it should have been but it was really the first time I can remember that younger girls appealed to me. I mean, I remember when I was a freshman in high school looking at the senior girls like ‘holy shit’. Man, those were the days. But it didn’t take me long to get this younger girl thing down. Here’s this naive girl, smoking hot, who hasn’t come to grips with how hot she is yet and she just throws herself at you. And what really made them great was how they spread joy and laughter everywhere they went. They were so light-hearted, always smiling and happy. Moisties made everything better, they were like sunshine in mini-skirts. (this reminds me of Hero Adage #5: ‘hot girls in mini-skirts are like chocolate dipped in chocolate’)
But it taught me so much about the female mentality. In fact, I can now reveal the timeless words of the Theory of Moistitivity:
Every hot girl was once a moistie
When I came to grips with that, everything I knew about girls changed. Girls wanted to feel happy and joyous. They didn’t want to be so serious all the time, and stop to think about things before doing them. They are moisties. Or, to be more specific, Moistie Alumni.
And you can’t make a moistie your main chick. I tried that once. I could handle the erratic behavior, the nickelback, and the teaching, but I couldn’t handle dealing with the boisties (boy moisties).
[Editor’s Note: For legal reasons, this post was heavily edited and moistie cadets were not even discussed. However, DC Hero was very upset about this and will likely revisit the topic of moisties in the both the near and distant future because it’s one of his favorite topics of all time]