Everyone has seen it happen. It starts off innocently enough when she’s around now and again, but he never says much about her. He’ll say something nonchalant like “yeah, she’s ok” when asked about her because he’s not that excited about being with her. It’s a lot different than the times in the past when you see another one of your buddies talk about a girl and he’s overrun with smiles and giggles until, inevitably, she gets the hint that he’s a little too excited to be with her and she leaves him and puts him back in the toolshed. It’s not like that at all. He’s just sort of letting her into his life, and none of his friends (including you) think much about it at all.
And then one day you get the phone call. He’s engaged. And this girl who he’s presented to you as high-pitched background noise is his fiance. And all you can think in your head is “how the hell did this happen and who the fuck is this girl?” I can’t answer the second half of that, but I can tell you the first half of it. He got snagged on The Hook.
It works like this:
- He meets this girl who’s “pretty ok”
- Over the next several months, she goes from “pretty ok” to “ok” by proving to be hotter and more useful than he thought
- He doesn’t think about #1 or #2 and doesn’t bring it up to his confidants
- She cons him into marrying her somehow
- He calls you and tells you he’s getting married
- His life is over and yours is diminished
What’s interesting is how the girl manages to play her “pretty ok” card by keeping expectations low and turning the marriage-con at exactly the right moment. It’s brilliant and it should be the first strategy when it comes to women conning men into marrying them. It’s a lot more ethical than the usual “pull the goalie and get pregnant.” After looking around on the internet for a list of ways to get a man to marry and finding nothing but horse shit, I made my own list:
- Pull the goalie
- Keep initial expectations low
- Convert to his religion/spirituality
- Become friends with his mother/sister and get them in on the con
- Somehow build your sexual market value (SMV) to stratospheric levels in the minds of his friends