Finally, A Global Warming Solution

riding a dolphin on a road

The economy is entering it’s biggest Depression, the world is warming at a frantic pace, the dollar is falling faster than the Ruble ever did, and we’re damn near out of oil. Well, at least according to some people. Personally, I’m not sold on most of it but that doesn’t matter. What we need is a plan in case all of these things are true. That’s right, we need a contingency plan.

If global warming takes over, we’ll need to stay cool. Luckily, nature already built in the solution to that one because the oceans will rise and flood everything, making automobiles and our vast road networks useless. Since our dollar will be worthless and we won’t have any oil, motorboats will also be useless to us as a means of transportation. Sailboats would be an option, but we all know how hard it is to sail and how expensive it would be to train all the cab drivers to sail. So that’s out.

That leaves us back to the mode of transport that dawned great civilizations around the world: animals. However, since horses will not be able to swim nearly fast enough, we’ll have to domesticate and ride a water-based mammal. Since whales and dolphins are the only real candidates and whales are far too large and plankton-dependent to do the job, we’ll have to use dolphins.

I’ve Painted a diagram above that shows how the system will work. The edge and middle lines will be made up of some type of anchored floating material. Note that this diagram is of an early domesticated dolphin (still pretty wild) because it has not learned how to not jump for no reason so often anymore. Also note that drinking and driving will no longer be an issue. What can not be seen in the diagram is the motorized fish moving underneath the water to keep the dolphin moving.

Write your local Senators and Congressmen, urging them to act NOW to domesticate dolphins. The Japanese are probably already doing it, and we can’t let the imported dolphins take over the domestic market. Our economy will be weak enough without that.

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4 Comments

Filed under Science

4 responses to “Finally, A Global Warming Solution

  1. mariah carey is promoting dolphin riding in her video….and with my experience in celebrity news/gossip (aren’t those the same things anyway) if a celebrity is doing it, the public is sure to catch on real soon.

  2. i think those are the same things. so if mariah went from being cool to not cool to cool again… what is she now?

  3. well she’s with nick cannon also known now as mr. mariah carey….she could have done better…so i’m going with back to not cool

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