Southern Girls – Tail Drain

Miss Mississippi 2007 - Taryn Foshee

I was in a conversation the other day with a guy who’s as well traveled as I am about girls from around the country. We came to agreement on a few things.

  1. The hottest girls live in LA, but it’s pretty hard to pull them without money. It’s hard to get uneducated girls without money, which is pretty counterintuitive.
  2. Southern girls are the best wife material. Hot, though not as hot as LA, and very feminine. Feminine means very family oriented, very friendly, and they show themselves really well. And I mean, if that accent doesn’t do anything for you, I don’t know what to tell you, you might be gay.
  3. Girls from the Northeast are the worst. All the hot girls drain out of there to warmer places because hot girls hate the cold. The ones that stay are the ones who are 15+ pounds overweight because they like it moderately cold to ensure they don’t get fat sweats. Ugh.
  4. We had a pretty small sample size of girls from the Midwest and Northwest, but they’re definitely not at the extremes of hot/feminine. So in the words of the real Mr. Carter: “If we ain’t talkin ’bout large money, what’s the point?”

If you didn’t catch on to the theory falling out of this post from #3, I’ll go ahead and spell it out for you (literally, ha).

You’re probably familiar with Brain Drain, which is where really smart people leave the place they grew up because there are no good opportunities for smart people where they grew up. What I’m talking about here is Tail Drain: where hot girls leave the place they grew up because it’s illogical for them to stay there.

I think most people agree that this happens, but it’s worth thinking about a little bit beyond a gloss over. If Tail Drain is as prominent as I think it is, the vast majority of hot girls living in the Northeast will be the young hot girls. As they get older, they leave, creating a void of older hot girls/women. This feedback loop hits the next generation of hotness, only leaving attractive immigrants to fill the hotness gap.

If you notice, this means that the old money girls in the South are significantly hotter than the old money girls in the North. I don’t have to check anybody else’s opinion to know that that’s true.

So if you’re sick of the only hot girls you see being of the young and hot variety, think about the Tail Drain or start working on your Immigrant game if you can’t move South(west). Oh, and if you’re interested in changing locales, remember that you need money to get LA girls and you need class to get Southern girls. I’ll leave it to the reader to define ‘class’ in this context.



Filed under dating

15 responses to “Southern Girls – Tail Drain

  1. I’ve figured moving to Omaha will mean I will be surrounded by people that all look the same meaning I will most definitely stand out. This has to work.

  2. Frankie

    Cum on. Don’t be so fatalistic. Here’s the perfectly cheap solution for poor fellows like yourself.

  3. rob

    northeast is definitely the worst.

    agreed, however i think you might want to point out that the few hotties that are still there have become such an elite class that they are bitches. so, yeah….well put sir.

  4. johnny five

    Southern girls are the best wife material. Hot, though not as hot as LA, and very feminine. Feminine means very family oriented, very friendly, and they show themselves really well.

    take it from a suth’n gent: the problem here is that southern girls reach both their prime and their expiration date much sooner than do other girls.

    i couldn’t imagine a better place to be 12 through 16 years old, but, even at your age, you would already be almost a decade older than the hottest scenery down there. i don’t know what’s in the water, but there are just way too many hot h.s. girls below the mason-dixon line.

    but seriously, you know how the theoretical astronaut traveling at near light speed comes back home and finds his twin brother prematurely aged?
    ok, good.
    when i went to my 10th h.s. reunion, i felt as though i’d been traveling at 0.9c ever since graduation.

  5. Hope

    My husband’s also a southern gentleman, born and raised. His mother, from rural Georgia, was reputedly ravishingly beautiful in her youth, but boy did she become a train wreck as soon as she hit 30-40ish. What johnny five stated is absolutely true. Southern women do not age well at all.

    Southern girls are also a bit dim. My husband liked to joke when he was in his early 20s and dating southern girls that the sun cooks their brains. He is practically genius level comparative to the population around him.

  6. johnny five, we’re on the same page with the 0.9c but I think you’d have to be going a lot closer to c than 0.9. not that the details matter here anyway. and already at the 10th reunion? shit man, that makes me depressed about the future.

  7. IDicky

    I think the reason why southern women age so poorly is the diet. All those double deep fried biscuits n’ gravy do a body good when they’re 17-25. But when the 30s roll around and the metablism slows down, that ball just keeps rolling downhill.

  8. johnny five

    johnny five, we’re on the same page with the 0.9c but I think you’d have to be going a lot closer to c than 0.9.

    the word on the street in the lo-rentz district says that time would pass about 2.294 times as fast for them as for me at that speed; that seems about right (and frighteningly accurate for a randomly, and part drunkenly, chosen number). feel free to email me if you want to argue over piddly details; i always appreciate people who have at least a small clue wtf i’m talking about.

  9. johnny five

    hope, you aren’t Southern, aren’t you?

    i remember one asian kid whose parents owned a chinese food joint in a redneck town; everything that issued from his mouth was priceless humor, because of his unique mix of chinese inflection and hick drawl. he could probably make a fortune at comedy, even if he never says anything that’s objectively funny.

    the image of an anime-loving asian nerdette from dixie is just too much for me to handle.

  10. Stevo

    Southern girls are the best wife material by far. They are the friendliest warmest women around. Been there seen that. It’s a fact. By the way mine hasn’t faded yet.

  11. GRACE

    Ooh- I love this entry!!! You hit the girls from the Northeast dead on the head! I am a Southern Girl and my cousins married women from the Northeast. I don’t think I have to tell you how this was 100 steps backwards for my family.

  12. Undoubtably, the listed chicks are dazzling but mine have no inhabitions. See for yourself Evangelina Soberanis

  13. interesting, but here’s something else about southern women – it’s an extremely matriarchial society. they may be the warmest and friendliest and care about their appearance the most…but they are shrewd and know that they have to be sweet to attract men. and once you’re in…it’s her way or the highway! i lived with a bunch of southern girls for roommates. it was a nightmare of cat fights, flirtation, spoiled brat attitudes and hairspray.

    • daniel

      This is close except for the poster obviously hasnt been around the U.S. South florida (miami region) has some of the hottest women in the country/world hands down.

  14. Jess

    What a load of Bullshit. There’s hot people everywhere.

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