I Would Kill Animals To Eat Their Meat

Some hippie vegetarian girl asked me if I would still eat the chicken sandwich I was eating if I had to kill the chicken myself. I thought about it for a second and informed the hippie that not only would I kill the chicken with my bare hands to eat my chicken sandwich, but I would kill and eat as many chickens as it took to maintain my chicken intake levels if nobody else would do it for me.

I like chicken so much that I would become a chicken farmer (poultry shepherd) if I had to. But does that mean I couldn’t sell the extra chicken and I’d have to eat it all myself? The hippie did not have a relevant response. I hate birds.

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “I Would Kill Animals To Eat Their Meat

  1. ry420guy

    If all I have to do is kill the chicken myself then sure. Now if I had to kill it, chop it up, then process it into patty form and bread it and everything … well that’s a more difficult question. I would probably just eat a banana or something that required less preparation.

  2. i think i’d rather be a vegetarian

  3. Greg

    birds are weird…

  4. yeah remember that time we were drunk and we killed that pigeon family by throwing them down your trash shoot. ahhhhh memories 🙂

  5. Kasey

    Hippie vegetarian girls who ask these questions have never “gone native.” I went to live with a tribe in Africa once. You want the meat so bad, you want to eat and be full, events like a slaughter became like watching popcorn in a microwave — it was just part of the process to eating.

  6. Zosimus the Heathen

    While I wouldn’t say I hate them outright, my feelings towards birds tend to be a bit ambivalent nonetheless. After all, there’s nothing like taking a bit of laundry down from the line, only to discover a nice, big bit of birdshit on it.

  7. Zosimus the Heathen

    Kasey, which tribe did you live with? What was the story there?

  8. ry420guy, I’m sure you could get by with just killing the chicken. in the event mass chicken farms ceased to exist, willing rogue chicken murderers like yourself would be needed to supply the larger population of people who would cook but would not kill the chicken. you could kill your chicken and eat it too without having to cook it

  9. Frankie

    You know just as well as I do that the chicken you love so much do not come from a nature loving, small scale shepherd but from a factory. Where little male chickens are brutally turned into big birds within six weeks. And that the slaughtering is not only done under labour division, by a full time killer with no sensitivity left, but that that full time killer just stands at the on-button of a brutal, ongoing slaughtering-machine.

    Bon appetit.

  10. vineetgupta

    Thank you! Its still delicious!

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