Going Green? Are You Serious?

If you live in the U.S., you may have noticed one of the bigger fads going around lately that I directly attribute to the “we deserved 9/11” nonsense being propagated by the feminine men in this country. It’s something like “Save the environment! Go green! Healthy! Endangered Animals! Hybrids!”. What a bunch of bullshit. I could go off on any number of these hippie topics, but I don’t have the time. Instead, let’s explore one that pisses me off the most: Conserving oil.

I mean, why should we conserve oil? Last I checked, oil is an nonrenewable natural resource, which means it will run out at some point. This will most likely happen between 2036 and 2050. We can’t change this. This leaves us with only one relevant question:

  1. Do we want the oil to run out as quickly as possible, or as slowly as possible?

If mathematics has taught me anything, it’s taught me that looking at the extreme cases will provide you with an incredible amount of insight about a problem. This problem is no different. Let’s look at the two scenarios:

Oil runs out as slowly as possible

Let’s say American conservation efforts are successful at prolonging the lifespan of oil. Which countries does this help the most? Undoubtedly it’s developing countries that need this oil to modernize their countries and make their economies globally competitive. China is doing everything they can, including making deals with literally any corrupt/murderous oil rich country, in a desperate search for oil to fuel this desire. Remember, for every drop of oil you don’t use, China will use. This is so obvious to me that it needs to be repeated. But I never repeat myself, I’ll just underline it. Sweet ass.

If oil lasts longer, cost pressures on oil sold in the global market will be minimized. This will allow the Chinese to grow into a world superpower, maybe THE world superpower, in the most uninhibited way possible. As everyone who doesn’t already know will see during the Olympic Games this summer, this isn’t a good thing.

Oil runs out as quickly as possible

Pussies in this country might have you believe that using an excess amount of gasoline or home heating fuel is bad for your country. After all, this will bring up prices (unless they’re fixed somehow) and will reduce the total amount of oil left on the planet, which can only be bad. Didn’t you get the memo? We have to conserve everything natural!!!

But they are wrong. If we use as much oil as possible, we reduce the global oil supply. Would this cause a global recession? Maybe. But isn’t that almost inevitable? And the U.S. would be much better equipped to handle oil running out before it was projected to than other countries would be. Well, at least better equipped than China would be. They’d be fucked. Remember, somebody is going to use the oil and it might as well be us.

I think it would be in our best interest if oil ran out when we were at our strongest. Keeping oil around allows developing nations to get stronger, so we would like the oil to run out as quickly as possible. And don’t even hit me with that “it’s better for the world as a whole” nonsense either.

And what would we do when there was no oil left, you say? Necessity is the mother of invention. And under those circumstances, if you don’t think a Manhattan Project for the energy crisis could be completed by the world’s greatest minds, you’re kidding yourself.

Side note, if you want to know why the U.S. is more dependent on foreign oil than ever, look at the following graph. Domestic oil production peaked in 1970 and has been falling ever since:

Hm, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I gave China a little too much credit. Maybe they’re just another fatally flawed superpower-wannabe. On the other hand, I’d rather not risk China taking over. Especially since Thai, Korean, and Vietnamese girls are hotter than Chinese girls. In any case, conserving oil is at best delaying the inevitable. Let’s just use it all and get to the point already.



Filed under Science

23 responses to “Going Green? Are You Serious?

  1. ry420guy

    The price of oil going up effects every industry that requires transportation of goods. Right now there is no alternative to oil in order to power trucks and airplanes, but between 2036 and 2050 there might be. Alternatively, companies will have to gradually rely more on boats and trains, but it’s not like they can start doing that tomorrow. Neat graph btw.

  2. This is true, but if we move to an alternative while other countries are using oil, it could place us at a fatal disadvantage. Especially if we miscalculate the date oil runs out. I guess the best way would be to have a secret alternative waiting in the wings, use up all the oil, and then bring that secret alternative into the sunlight.

  3. Kasey

    The going-green movement is not saying the obvious, if you really want to go green, save the environment and all that stuff, eliminate half the human population on earth. Humans, more than any other species in the history of this earth, have done more to affect and alter the environment and in light-speed time.

  4. rob

    for the sake of keeping korean, thai, and vietnamese girls pure, everyone please listen to the man. fill up your gas tank and drive cross country now. and burn up some corn fields while you’re in the mid-west. god damn ethanol

  5. LuLi

    The world needs a new superpower. Actually it would benefit from at least 2 or 3 more. I’m done with American hegemony and this unilateral direction for IR. America was better during the cold war when it had to watch its step, and was at its best before WW1 when it was isolationist and practiced neutrality. Despite how evil the Soviet Union was, or China may be, the presence of another world power can only be advantageous to the rest of us who won’t benefit from the U.S. monopolizing world oil supply, and dominating foreign politics. I’m sure the Iraqi civilians would welcome it, at least. =]

  6. the amount of thought that went into this post scares me. most people that aren’t green are just lazy but you are the opposite of green….does this make you brown? (anyone who took art in elementary schools know if you mix together lots of colors you end up with brown) oh, i think it’s only right to be helping out our fellow “cousins” by buying and using their oil.

  7. Kasey, I wish I thought of that. You earned a Commenter Point.

    rob, I’m glad you realized the true crisis in this post while slamming ethanol at the same time. That earns you a commenter point too.

    Ava V, you obviously weren’t paying attention in elementary school. Red is across from green on the color wheel

  8. roissy

    i agree with this post 152%, and contrary to luli’s weak pathetic mewlings i would like to see my country stay the Big Dog. to do my part i will water the lawn with oil.

  9. ry420guy

    How does Kasey earn a commenter point? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. The whole point of saving the earth is so humans can survive. “The Earth” isn’t really something I give 2 shits about other than I live on it.

  10. ry420guy

    it’s not like if your house was dirty you’d fix it by killing half the people that live there.

  11. ry420guy

    just because i’m drunk doesn’t make you any less of an idiot. oh shit, i just realized my room’s getting pretty dirty, i’d better eliminate myself before it gets worse. fucking moron.

  12. LuLi

    Roissy, you’re actually in agreement with my post, hence the unilateralism and self preservation which is typical amongst Americans. Thanks for a great demonstration of my point 😉

  13. RT

    I agree with kasey, but I think that there should be requirements for the people that we eliminate. Therefore, I propose that we eliminate the 50% of the population that is ugly, fat, or has small penises, since they are not making anyone happy.

  14. “The whole point of saving the earth is so humans can survive. “The Earth” isn’t really something I give 2 shits about other than I live on it” – THAT is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. The Earth was here billions of years before humans, and thus the goal of “saving the Earth” (which, I might add, it does not need to be saved – it will eliminate cancerous tumors such as humans itself through natural disaster without long-term harm to itself as a planet) is NOT solely to provide humans with a place to live. ry420guy, You are the Moron.

  15. ry420guy

    sure whatever. dchero, you forgot to mention that cows contribute to global warming by shitting methane (more so than automobiles). this probably relates to your earlier post about fat people, who are known to consume 80% of the world’s beef. less cows = less fat people + less global warming.

  16. ry420guy, that’s a great point that i left out of my thorough analysis. in fact, that is a commenter point.

  17. johnny five

    if you don’t think a Manhattan Project for the energy crisis could be completed by the world’s greatest minds, you’re kidding yourself.

    any such project would be at best hampered, and at worst outright hijacked, by pressure to replace the world’s greatest minds with appropriate quotas of the world’s most sexually and ethnically diverse minds.

    and if any of you think that the critical urgency of the energy crisis would be enough to squelch the screeching voices of the radical leftists* demanding such quotas, you are sadly ignorant of the cultish beliefs held throughout almost all of academia (where most of those great minds would probably come from).

    *unfortunately and paradoxically, the radical left is now mainstream in such matters.

  18. johnny five

    kasey spattered:
    Humans, more than any other species in the history of this earth, have done more to affect and alter the environment and in light-speed time.

    at this point i would like to humbly point out that, once upon a time, the first plants (or cyanobacteria, or whoever else ‘invented’ photosynthesis) started polluting the air with oxygen, a substance that happened to be toxic to the vast majority of other organisms living on earth at the time. those organisms, now known as the kingdom Archaebacteria, retreated to godforsaken places like hydrothermal vents and salt lakes, but eventually put on their rally caps and stepped up their game to the point where they evolved into ALL of the non-photosynthetic animal species on earth. including us.

    it was thus that ‘pollution’ set the stage for our own evolution. if the cyanobacteria had been conscientious enough not to be assholes to all the obligate anaerobes, we wouldn’t be here.

    so who knows what strange and wonderful things will come of the atmosphere’s new composition, even in a worst case scenario? especially when the singularity arrives?

    finally, what the fuck is ‘light-speed time’? oh, that’s right, it’s a counterproductive attempt to sound smart.

  19. johnny five, those are the two best comments i’ve ever seen. You managed to make two incredible points back to back, provide a great link, and slam another commenter in the span of 9 minutes. That’s 3 Commenter Points.

  20. johnny five

    ^^^ sweet.

    now if i can just remember that html tags have two halves, maybe my mommy will let me post again!

  21. Kara

    Is this satire?

  22. ro42g

    Thai, Koreans, and Vietnamese chicks sure are hotter than Chinese chicks. As for oil, the whole going green thing is a scam to stop developing nations from getting their hands on more oil because they have to cut their CO2 emissions or spend money buying CO2 emissions cut backs which are hella expensive. The US is still using oil up as fast as possible while pretending to go green on the surface.

  23. Yuri

    Green is a fad like Tibet and Darfur were and those things never went away.

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