Evolutionary Realities

charles darwin

Every human being living on Earth today is descended from a man who lived in Africa about 60,000 years ago. This was the 2002 conclusion of geneticist, anthropologist, and Washington D.C. resident Spencer Wells. Maybe you already knew about this, but I didn’t until I read about it.

This effectively means that your ancestors left Africa after this time, and replaced ruthlessly murdered all other homo sapiens on the planet.

This might cause you to ask questions like: Are we more genetically alike than other species? Does this account for our especially violent behavior? How related am I to the person I’m sleeping with? Does this mean sleeping with my second cousin isn’t so bad after all?

But wait: You think 1,000,000 years of evolution separate you from the race of people you hate the most? Think again. So the biggest question of all is, undoubtedly: How can I maintain my current levels of racial hatred given this new reality?

Don’t worry, friends, the DC Hero is here for you. You can still be as racist as you ever were before, but you have to make sure you pick the racial group that is most genetically different from you to ensure you have a solid, scientific reason for your racism to propel your hatred farther than it’s ever been before. Below is a world map of the different Y Haplogroups of the world, which we can assume signify absolute genetic differences.

map of how to distribute racism

Let me illustrate with an example. You can see that the Whitest people (with the most Red, members of the R1b haplogroup) are from Scotland. If you hate White people, make sure you direct most of your hatred towards the Scots. You can also see the Blackest people (ExE3b) are from Burkina Faso, direct the bulk of your Black hatred towards them.

To sum up the other major races: the Yellowest people are from Malaysia, the most Arab people are from Northern Saudi Arabia, everybody in the middle of Eurasia are more or less mutts, and all Native Americans are exact replicas of each other. I knew that last one already.

As a Mideast Arab, I can now confidently direct my scientifically proven hatred towards most Asian groups since I share no Y Haplogroups with them. This fits in with my original plan. Sweet.



Filed under Science

3 responses to “Evolutionary Realities

  1. rob

    thank you for finally giving me a scientific reason not to like south americans!

  2. everyone can hate them now without having to worry too much about why. fantastic!

  3. Karen note

    lol @ “ruthlessly murdered”. You should do a bit more research and stop just buying into the mainstream intellectual narrative.

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