Family Matters

I was thinking about it, more accurately I was dreaming about it, last night: I learned most (if not all) of my life principles from watching Family Matters as a child. Everything I ever needed to learn in life, I learned from Carl, Steve, Laura, and to a lesser extent Eddie. Let’s analyze the show with cutting edge scientific analysis.

Lesson 1: In the end, one way or another, the geek gets the girl

Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss?
Laura: On one condition.
Steve Urkel: What’s that.
Laura: That you’ll never go into outer space again
Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss
[they passionately kiss]

The moral: Never worry. Have patience.

Lesson 2: Embrace change, it’s the only thing that will get you anywhere.

Carl: I think we can all agree that there’s nothing more exciting than change

The moral: Oh Carl, always the voice of reason. Clearly superior to Uncle Phil in every way. I think Uncle Phil was a fraud anyway, I never saw him at work. Was he even a good judge? That was all hearsay as far as I’m concerned. Carl was a working man, I saw him in his uniform. I trust Carl. Anyway, the moral is obviously: don’t be afraid of change.

Lesson 3: Always see the big picture

Eddie: Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends.
Carl: Well, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel.

The moral: Eddie, listen to your father! Don’t you see the big picture? Don’t get caught up in the everyday, Eddie. To be fair, Eddie preached the ‘it’s ok to be girl-crazy’ gospel which contrasted with his small picture flaws.

Lesson 4: Never question your self-confidence

Laura: Well, Steve, I’ve been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. I couldn’t turn right around and refuse to go out with him.
Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? You refuse to go out with me for the last decade!
Laura: Well, that’s because you have self-confidence. I can turn you down without destroying your ego.
Steve Urkel: Well, isn’t that just a FIIIINE kettle of fish? I’m getting penalized because I’m emotionally stable!

The moral: This always gets the girl. See lesson 1. Also, the picture is of Kanye West. That seems strangely appropriate.

Lesson 5: Girls hide it when they really like guys

Laura: I guess I could call Steve Urkel.
[pause]
Laura: Did I say that?

The moral: Oh Laura, you wanted him FROM DAY 1, and EVERYBODY KNEW IT.

Lesson 6:There are hot chicks who will want you for being yourself and not apologizing for it

Myra Monkhouse: You listen to me, Miss Laura. I love Steve Urkel. He is the hot fudge on my sundae… And let me tell you something, honey. Nobody steals my dessert… I tried to be nice, and you stabbed me in the back. Strap on your howitzer, missy. From now on, it’s war.

The moral: Be yourself.

Lesson 7:  If you ever see me doing that character again, put a bullet in my head and take me out of my misery.
Jaleel White, on never wanting to play an Urkel-like character again

 The moral: Uh oh, this doesn’t fit. Better end this here.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Family Matters

  1. remember when steve transformed into stephen (stef-on)….how smooth was he?

  2. Phillip K. Dick

    “- Jaleel White, on never wanting to play an Urkel-like character again”

    I don’t think he’ll ever play any character again.

    Yeah, Stephon Urquell was funny.

  3. delraydudes

    nice post

  4. kierstenxmariah

    I am watching family matter right this moment
    he turnd into bruce lee..bruce juice

  5. Seriously, I’d pay good money to get drunk with Steve Urkel.

  6. vnkn1p

    What about Waldo Faldo?

  7. John E. Kelly

    Super Hot From Beginning To End…Johnny K.

  8. naenae1996

    truth be told, i understand that Jaleel didnt really like his character-role as Steve Urkel but he has to admit he was the funniest nerd and the nerdiest nerd i’ve ever seen!!! I mean i understand that he literally grew out of his character as he got older but shoot he still gettin paid and he had so many fans i would be so happy if i had fans who loved ,e for my talent

  9. Brittany

    I honestly love Family Matters. i just heard about it in 2008 and i immediantly fell in love with it. im only 13 and yea. But any way i found out about what happened to everyone and i thought some was very sad (the info i found out) but yea i really wish they would at least try to finish off the episodes. The end was supposed to be Laura and Steve wedding but they cancelled. I really hope they could figure out a way to at least finish.
    Sincer,
    Britt

    R.I.P. Michelle Thomas (Myra)
    R.I.P. Rosetta LeNoire

  10. This article is really the best on this deserving topic. I absolutely feel the same way with your conclusions and will hungrily look forward to your coming updates. Just saying thanks will not just be enough, for the great clarity in your writing. I will instantly grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates. Solid work and good luck in your blogging endeavors!

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