I was reading Adam Smith today for some improbable and incomprehensible reason when I came across this great quote on happiness from the founder (more accurately, the first intellectual defender) of free-trade and Capitalism:
The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another… In all the ordinary situations of human life, a well-disposed mind may be equally calm, equally cheerful, and equally contented. Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice.
- Adam Smith, 1759
In other words, unbounded ambitions and unbounded fears lead to unclear goals, gross excesses, and no satisfaction.
Getting a girl to like you is as simple as becoming everything she wants in a man. That’s not to be confused with what she says she wants in a man. It’s the whole confident/bold/charming/successful/asshole mix that every girl wants. When you’ve become that man a few times, you start to recognize the moment it happens instantly. All of her hopes and dreams are realized in you, and you feel a tremendous sense of power and dominance that comes with being a girl’s total sense of being. And even if the path you took to get her was somewhat contrived and staged, it doesn’t much matter because you’ve ‘picked up’ another girl, which quite reasonably is an end in and of itself. Then you do this a few times.
Then a few more…
After awhile, you look at the girls you pick up a little differently. The sense of conquest you used to have at the moment you “got her” is, you decide, nothing more than foolish machismo. The dominance and power you used to feel so proud of is dwarfed by the jealousy you have of the girl. Look at her. She has a level of satisfaction that you’ll never have. You’re the perfect man to her, and you know there’s no woman in the world who could do the same thing for you.
You just sit across from them, playing all the cards you know will turn her on, and for what? You have to be the perfect guy for her because that’s the way the game works. You want to pick up girls? You have to get them to choose you above all other options. Then they get the satisfaction of getting exactly what they wanted, even if it’s for a short amount of time. But there’s no choosing on your end really. The whole trick of getting a girl you want is to get her to end up choosing you. Where’s the satisfaction in that? It’s indirect, making the satisfaction from it less than what it is for her. So you just sit across from them, jealous that you can’t be them.
I conclude that picking up girls has some satisfaction, but not enough to justify life’s primary focus for it. At least not for a lifetime. Because who wants to play a game where your opponent gets more satisfaction than you do? It’s like fighting someone with a smile on their face that gets bigger every time you hit them with a right haymaker. It’s maddening.
best memorial in dc
“The meaning of life is achieving satisfaction.” – DC Hero
I define satisfaction as fulfilling a want or a need. The lowest times in life (depression, boredom, etc.) are times of no satisfaction. In either case, you either have nothing you want/need or you can’t get what you want/need. It’s very simple. Whenever ever I spend time or money on something and I need to evaluate if it was worth my effort, the one way I can measure it is by measuring the raw satisfaction gained from the aforementioned activity, which is exactly related to how much I wanted/needed what I got. I’ll do the math for you. Banging Hot Thai Girl = McGriddle On Hangover.
“Freedom From Want” – FDR
Of course, being free from wants is what many people, and many smart people, try to do. And I’ve done that over the past year. I’m free from wanting my three core wants: gambling, money, and Asian girls. But, hm. A life without wants is a life without satisfaction since ‘needs’ are mostly wants combined with lies. So I mean, there’s still the pleasures and happiness of life, but what’s life without satisfaction? It’s the slow death of retirement, and damn that shit to Hell on a houseboat.
This is why I’ll be spending the remainder of the Year coming up with a new want for 2009. Because freedom from wants wasn’t satisfying. This gives me a new purpose in life, and I suddenly realize that I had a want the entire time: I wanted to find another want. I’m sure finding it will prove to be very satisfying.
So what is this about? Oh yeah, I think people associate happiness with “the meaning of life” when that association is nothing more than a scam cooked up by Disney to sell more Lion King DVDs. Hakuna Matata my ass. When you think about the meaning of happiness and the meaning of satisfaction, it’s clear what the difference is and why you want a lot more of the latter.
Everyone has seen it happen. It starts off innocently enough when she’s around now and again, but he never says much about her. He’ll say something nonchalant like “yeah, she’s ok” when asked about her because he’s not that excited about being with her. It’s a lot different than the times in the past when you see another one of your buddies talk about a girl and he’s overrun with smiles and giggles until, inevitably, she gets the hint that he’s a little too excited to be with her and she leaves him and puts him back in the toolshed. It’s not like that at all. He’s just sort of letting her into his life, and none of his friends (including you) think much about it at all.
And then one day you get the phone call. He’s engaged. And this girl who he’s presented to you as high-pitched background noise is his fiance. And all you can think in your head is “how the hell did this happen and who the fuck is this girl?” I can’t answer the second half of that, but I can tell you the first half of it. He got snagged on The Hook.
It works like this:
- He meets this girl who’s “pretty ok”
- Over the next several months, she goes from “pretty ok” to “ok” by proving to be hotter and more useful than he thought
- He doesn’t think about #1 or #2 and doesn’t bring it up to his confidants
- She cons him into marrying her somehow
- He calls you and tells you he’s getting married
- His life is over and yours is diminished
What’s interesting is how the girl manages to play her “pretty ok” card by keeping expectations low and turning the marriage-con at exactly the right moment. It’s brilliant and it should be the first strategy when it comes to women conning men into marrying them. It’s a lot more ethical than the usual “pull the goalie and get pregnant.” After looking around on the internet for a list of ways to get a man to marry and finding nothing but horse shit, I made my own list:
- Pull the goalie
- Keep initial expectations low
- Convert to his religion/spirituality
- Become friends with his mother/sister and get them in on the con
- Somehow build your sexual market value (SMV) to stratospheric levels in the minds of his friends