January 31, 2008...8:24 pm
Relationship Practice Month
Practice may be defined as working to master something. But ‘Relationship Practice Month’ isn’t about mastering relationships, it’s about entering a relationship at the optimal time and getting out (if necessary) at the optimal time. That’s the stated goal. It’s the best time to practice a relationship while inflicting the least amount of collateral damage.
You probably don’t know this because I made it up without telling anybody, but we are currently at the approximate halfway point of Relationship Practice Month. It’s not a month according to the Gregorian calendar, but it does depend on the Gregorian calendar. It runs from the Ides of January (January 13th) to the Day after Valentine’s Day (February 15th). I originally planned it to end on the Ides of February, but that turned out to be on the 13th and we all know Valentine’s Day is the perfect final gauntlet for RPM.
It’s the perfect time of year for this sort of thing for a few reasons, let’s make a list (men’s list):
- It’s cold outside, and fatties have taken over your primary and secondary pick-up establishments. Your tertiary pick-up establishment is an empty, barren wasteland for reasons you don’t fully understand. And your quaternary and final option is just too fucking expensive. Church may be option (I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never tried it), but I think it would be tough because you don’t have the awesome power of alcohol and darkness to help you.
- No Christmas/Kwanzaa/Jew-day presents to buy
- No need to adjust your New Year’s plans
- It’s a good opportunity to rest up for the Spring mating season
- Less random sex happens during RPM than at any other time during the year. Probably.
- It’s the most depressing period of the year. January 24th is the most depressing day of the year. I know this because it’s my birthday.
- No girls in skimpy clothing
- It’s always dark out
- You achieve a side goal of building up jealousy in girls who are teetering on the edge of wanting your love in time for the Spring mating season. Being ‘taken’ at some point is beneficial for you, and it might as well be during RPM.
Look, you need a break from the game at least every once in awhile to re-tool while you plot your comeback with a vengeance. In fact, don’t call it a comeback. All things considered, it’s the optimal time to take a breather. Even for girls this works.
Time for the girls list:
- The extra clothing doesn’t help you
- It’s the most depressing period of the year. January 24th is the most depressing day of the year. I know this because it’s my birthday.
- If there’s ever a time to give ‘that guy’ a shot, it’s during RPM
You may currently be thinking: “if I missed out on RPM, when is the next best time to stop gaming, I need a break from this shit”. Right after Valentine’s Day. Obviously.
‘Trading down’ is usually a crucial, unfortunate but necessary element of RPM. And it may be highly unlikely that the stars will align for you in time for RPM. However, if all of the necessary elements fall into place, this is the scientifically proven best time of the year for RPM.
7 Comments
February 1, 2008 at 2:36 am
With whom are we practicing these relationships? Where can we find candidates who are not a)”fatties”, b)virgins, or c) people in need of darkness, in this particular season? They are certainly not abundant. Either that or I can’t see them because they are too short for my line of vision. I think your plan is flawed hero, or I just don’t get it? I assume that this is somewhat related to the phenomenon of dating down, which I’ve tried and have not had much fun with. It usually just gets embarrassing for someone. Bottom line: I like the idea of this game but I think it needs more explanation.
February 1, 2008 at 7:56 am
By dating in the RPM you can avoid all the awkwardness associated with the holiday season and valentines day. Plus if you can’t go out and meet lots of girls/guys like you can in the summer. Too many people stay in during the winter months because “it’s too cold to go out.” I love the plan.
February 1, 2008 at 8:28 am
Me, you’re right, trading down is usually involved. I’ve updated my plan of attack. I’ve also added a criteria for girls, assuming they have a ‘that guy’ who they’re not exactly infatuated with. The plan is not flawed, however. It’s the optimal month long period for a try-out because it’s such a low risk venture for the reasons I explained.
February 1, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Oooo hero. You don’t want me dating my “that guy”. From my experience with dating down…the one who is up has to deal with a LOT of b.s. I see how your plan might work for others but I think for those of us who are too nice for their own good, its a no go. Here’s to wishing that stigma away.
February 1, 2008 at 1:24 pm
relationship talk…blah blah blah. Vomit. Blah blah. Dating. Vomit.
DC hero? Do I have to say it again…. FAT PEOPLE ERADICATION!!!!
February 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm
The relationship talk gets the page views, I’m trying to build a reader base here to set up my ultimate goal of becoming a youtube star.
February 12, 2008 at 11:56 pm
[...] You might think Valentine’s day is a holiday invented by, or at least popularized by, the collective greeting card industry. That’s because it was, in the mid 1800’s. But that’s one of those historical facts that doesn’t matter so much. What matters is it’s tomorrow, and it coincides with the dramatic but inevitable conclusion of Relationship Practice Month. [...]
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